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okay here is our interview with dr jeste

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i always prepared notes uh for my

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interviews and usually they're about a

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half

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page but i want to show you that that

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here i've got

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two and a half pages

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so i i was definitely fascinated by by

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your new book and

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and what you're studying so you know you

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know i just want to basically cover the

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basics of

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you know what is wisdom and then give us

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some examples we could talk about some

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people from the past and

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talk about some people presently that we

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think

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uh are our wisest people

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and then what each of us can do to try

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to

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achieve more wisdom i'm actually going

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to become a father for the first time in

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my life in four weeks

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all right thank you thank you and i'm

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definitely going to want

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to hear from you what i should be doing

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with my child

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to give them the best opportunity to

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grow up to be a wise person

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so let's start with the the definition

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of

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wisdom and you tell me if i'm wrong here

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because i took this from

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from your book it seemed to me you had

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come up with kind of five

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attributes of a wise person which

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the first one was pro-social attitudes

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and behaviors the next one was emotional

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stability and happiness am i correct

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that this is what

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essentially what you consider the

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definition exactly okay so let so take

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us through each one of those

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so people know what you have in mind

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when you talk about

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wisdom and i know you didn't just pull

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this out of your own head this was after

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much

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study you came up with this but kind of

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let's tick through each one of them is

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when we talk about what is wisdom so the

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first one

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pro-social attitudes and behaviors

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yeah humans are meant to be

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social animals the word homo sapiens for

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human species

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literally means a wise man and

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wisdom is a personality trait with

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different components

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and the most important component is

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pro-social

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that improve things like empathy

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compassion altruism

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empathy means sharing and understanding

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somebody else's emotions and thoughts

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so if i see somebody who is sad i can

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appreciate that person is sad and i also

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feel

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a little sad that is empathy compassion

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is acting on the empathy and helping the

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other person

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an altruism even beyond that where

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you help other people without expecting

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anything in return

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one thing i know there is that

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compassion

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toward yourself by the way as we take

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through these things one thing i noticed

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is that iq is not necessarily on the on

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the list so as we tick through this

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maybe we should

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also ask him what what is the

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relationship between between being a

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very smart person

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and wisdom the relationship

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between iq and wisdom is

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not at all linear clearly you need

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some basic intelligence to have the

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trace of wisdom

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but beyond that the smartest people or

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the people at the highest iq are not

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the wisest people they are often unwise

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because they may not have the pro social

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behaviors

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they may be very selfish actually some

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of the

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mass murderers or even terrorists

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they don't like iq they like wisdom they

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like compassion

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they're anti-sociable so

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and there are also very smart people who

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are depressed

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sad they commit suicide that's not

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happiness

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that's not wisdom so although

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intelligence is some basic intelligence

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is necessary for wisdom

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the two do not go hand in hand i i like

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that because in our leaders i presume

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you would say we're looking for

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wise leaders not just necessarily smart

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leaders and sometimes

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the so-called smartest people are not

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the best to

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lead us that's exactly right i think the

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smartest people mean

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that they are good at doing some things

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that

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are valued in their specific professions

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smart lawyer smart physician but they

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are not necessarily smart leaders

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in terms of helping other people a

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leader's job

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is to help everybody else and only smart

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people cannot do that

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unless they have pro-social behavior as

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well as other components of wisdom

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okay next one emotional stability and

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happiness

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yeah so think about a teenager

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his emotions fluctuate hour to hour

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minute to minute

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and then think about a wiser older

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person

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who is calm regulated doesn't get

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trusted too easily

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doesn't become ecstatic at one moment

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and very depressed at the next moment

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they can handle panic they can handle a

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crisis

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well so control over emotion

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is actually a critical part of wisdom

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because if you don't have that control

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you're not able to make rational

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decisions

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and that will affect how you behave with

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other people

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and is it fair to say broadly speaking

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the longer you have lived the easier it

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is to become

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wise usually with aging we get more

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experience

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become wiser

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that doesn't mean that every old person

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is wise you know there are some

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very unwise old people and there are

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wise young people also but

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by and large we get more experience with

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it there is no question about that

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and that experience actually helps us

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regulate our emotions more

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it helps us more compassionate and with

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other qualities also improve

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so it definitely helps increase wisdom

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but it depends on how we use that

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experience you know it is like

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when there's a crisis or disaster

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many people develop post traumatic

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stress disorder

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ptsd right some people

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they grow from it that is called

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post-traumatic growth

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so same crisis will have different

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effect on different people

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and the wise people use it wisely

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broadly speaking would you say wise

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people

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have less stress they're able to manage

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their stress

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wise people don't necessarily have less

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stress everybody has faces

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but they manage the stress better they

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don't get panicky

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they think about themselves sort of what

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is happening they think about others

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how to overcome the stress and they

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realize that they have gone through

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spaces in the past

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they survived and they will do the same

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thing they know how to use the support

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system

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and so all of these things actually lead

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to

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better coping with stress which wise

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people do better

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than people who are not wise okay next

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one balancing decisiveness

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with acceptance of uncertainty yeah

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acceptance of uncertainty is an

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important part of wisdom

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socrates said that anybody who thinks he

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is wise

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is not wise person because if you are

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wise you know how much you don't know

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there is so much there out there and we

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really know

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very small part of that equally

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important is acceptance of

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diverse perspectives so i may have

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strong

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values about something and i will always

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keep them

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but i can understand why somebody else

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may have different value system

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i don't have to agree with that person

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but we can still be

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friends or at least we can interact with

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one another

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and in the modern world what is

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happening is there is so much

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polarization

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that people don't communicate with one

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another if their views vary

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and this is not just in politics and

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even in science

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and in schools and so on

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inability to accept the fact that

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different people can have different

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views

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and it is okay again that doesn't mean

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we have to agree with them

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and and by the way where did this list

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come from

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you know ultimately how did you come to

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this conclusion that these are the

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things that

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make up wisdom the wisdom

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is an ancient concept it is there in all

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the religions

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and of the philosophy for example the

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bible has

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i think 12 books on wisdom like

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solomon's book book of job and so on and

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so forth

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so we actually started by looking at

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some of the scriptures and

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to find out what are the components of

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wisdom in those

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but then of course one could argue that

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that's an

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overall concept it doesn't apply to

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today's world

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so then we looked at the literature

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today

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okay scientific research on wisdom

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started in the 1970s

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started at the max branch institute in

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berlin and at university of southern

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california usc

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and los angeles since then it has been

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growing

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and so there are now more and more

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studies coming out on wisdom

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so what we did was we reviewed the

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literature modern western literature

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to find out what are the common elements

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of wisdom according to these people

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so we have two sets of

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component one was from the scriptures

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second was the modern western literature

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and we thought these two would be very

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different

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we were shocked to find they were nearly

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identical

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they had the same things like

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emotional regulation empathy compassion

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being kind to others one other thing i

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will talk about is self-reflection

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which is a component of wisdom another

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is spirituality that's also a component

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of wisdom

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so these are things that were there in

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the scripture

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that are there in our world today

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that appears to be some researchers it

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means that wisdom is a biologically

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based trait

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and so that is how we came up with our

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definition looking at the common

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elements

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in the published literature starting

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with the scriptures and then going to

293
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:42,560
the modern western literature

294
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:44,720
so it is not definition that i made up

295
00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:46,240
or anything like that

296
00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:48,640
but looking at really the broad

297
00:10:52,550 --> 00:10:49,440
consensus

298
00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:52,560
on the issue okay

299
00:10:57,269 --> 00:10:54,800
next one reflection and

300
00:10:59,829 --> 00:10:57,279
self-understanding

301
00:11:01,350 --> 00:10:59,839
self-reflection is really also critical

302
00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:01,360
part of wisdom

303
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:03,600
because often what happens is when

304
00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:05,040
something goes wrong

305
00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:07,440
i do something immediately i tend to

306
00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:08,880
blame somebody else

307
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:11,519
it's not my fault somebody else did that

308
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:13,200
that doesn't help

309
00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:16,320
so a wise person spends some time

310
00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:17,680
self-reflecting

311
00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:19,519
why did this happen did i do something

312
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:21,920
wrong that i could do better next time

313
00:11:26,389 --> 00:11:24,720
so you learn about yourself and you

314
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:26,399
learn from others

315
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:28,959
so that self-reflection is critical and

316
00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:31,200
unfortunately that is often lagging

317
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:33,600
in the world today immediate tendencies

318
00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:35,600
to blame something of somebody

319
00:11:39,670 --> 00:11:37,839
and rather than thinking that i may have

320
00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:39,680
done something wrong

321
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:42,399
yeah i remember there was a study about

322
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:43,680
they were referring to smart people but

323
00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:44,800
it could just as well

324
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:46,880
apply to wise or maybe even more

325
00:11:50,389 --> 00:11:47,920
importantly

326
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:50,399
apply to wise where smarter people

327
00:11:52,949 --> 00:11:51,040
always

328
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:52,959
underestimated how well they did on a

329
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:54,240
test

330
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:56,800
whereas less smart people always

331
00:12:00,069 --> 00:11:58,160
overestimated

332
00:12:01,829 --> 00:12:00,079
how well they did on a test so an

333
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:01,839
element of wisdom is being un

334
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:04,000
able to understand how wise and wise you

335
00:12:06,949 --> 00:12:05,120
are

336
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:06,959
that's exactly right i think yeah that

337
00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:08,160
applies to wisdom

338
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:11,600
rather than iq because if you are wise

339
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:13,360
you know how much you don't know that's

340
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:15,760
one thing secondly you also have gone

341
00:12:18,629 --> 00:12:16,240
through

342
00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:18,639
both good and bad experiences so when

343
00:12:22,069 --> 00:12:20,240
you have good experience you don't get

344
00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:22,079
carried away

345
00:12:26,389 --> 00:12:23,760
likewise when there's a bad experience

346
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:26,399
you don't get totally down on yourself

347
00:12:30,629 --> 00:12:28,880
so you keep this middle ground where you

348
00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:30,639
think about both positive and negative

349
00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:31,120
things

350
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:34,399
at any point and that really a

351
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:37,600
self-reflection emotional regulation

352
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:40,240
but also with positivity that's

353
00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:40,880
something

354
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:44,720
worth to be stressed that

355
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:47,360
when we are young when anything goes

356
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:48,560
wrong

357
00:12:52,629 --> 00:12:51,519
it sticks with us forever so they say

358
00:12:55,430 --> 00:12:52,639
young noise

359
00:12:56,949 --> 00:12:55,440
are like velcro to negate your

360
00:13:00,150 --> 00:12:56,959
experiences

361
00:13:03,829 --> 00:13:00,160
older minds are like test run to

362
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:03,839
negative experiences so for example

363
00:13:09,269 --> 00:13:07,360
sometime back i was going to a meeting

364
00:13:11,030 --> 00:13:09,279
the flight got delayed my backs didn't

365
00:13:13,030 --> 00:13:11,040
arrive and i panicked you know what do i

366
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:13,040
do

367
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:15,600
something happened 15 years later and

368
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:16,720
when that happened

369
00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:18,800
i was pretty calm and i said okay you

370
00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:20,639
know my clothes then arrived

371
00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:23,600
so i mean jeans and sneakers and

372
00:13:28,389 --> 00:13:24,800
everybody laughed and

373
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:28,399
fine so negative experiences

374
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:31,279
in older age have less influence you

375
00:13:34,629 --> 00:13:33,040
remember the positive things

376
00:13:36,790 --> 00:13:34,639
life is short you don't want to waste it

377
00:13:37,829 --> 00:13:36,800
on negative things thinking about them

378
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:37,839
all the time

379
00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:39,920
and there's actually biological basis

380
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:41,600
why this happens maybe we can talk about

381
00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:43,040
that a little later

382
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:45,199
but these changes that i'm describing

383
00:13:49,269 --> 00:13:46,160
with age

384
00:13:51,269 --> 00:13:49,279
the public biology

385
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:51,279
yeah i mean it's basically part of

386
00:13:54,069 --> 00:13:53,040
maturing i would think would be kind of

387
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:54,079
this element

388
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:56,720
of wisdom i i know that i've read that

389
00:14:00,150 --> 00:13:57,440
children

390
00:14:01,829 --> 00:14:00,160
see everything egocentrically anything

391
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:01,839
that happens around and they assume

392
00:14:04,949 --> 00:14:03,360
it was something that they did or

393
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:04,959
something that happened because this

394
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:05,600
person is

395
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:07,360
thinking of them in a certain way and

396
00:14:12,949 --> 00:14:09,680
then as you mature you begin to realize

397
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:12,959
oh it's not all about me that's exactly

398
00:14:15,990 --> 00:14:14,240
right when you're young

399
00:14:17,430 --> 00:14:16,000
we think the sun and the moon they

400
00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:17,440
actually revolve around us

401
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:19,440
we are the center of the universe and

402
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:20,720
slowly we realize that

403
00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:24,000
that's not the case at all and and

404
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:26,639
yet that doesn't make us feel too

405
00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:29,120
depressed later on in life

406
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:31,440
whether we accept the fact but we say

407
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:32,720
that it's true but that applies to

408
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:34,959
everybody else also

409
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:37,040
and still we think about how lucky we

410
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:38,800
are that we have

411
00:14:42,069 --> 00:14:41,040
family we have a friend we have done

412
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:42,079
things

413
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:46,160
so although we no longer think that the

414
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:47,760
world revolves around us

415
00:14:51,829 --> 00:14:50,160
that doesn't depress us the way it did

416
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:51,839
when we were in our twenties and what we

417
00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:53,440
service

418
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:55,360
just to say in childhood for a second

419
00:14:59,350 --> 00:14:56,639
how do you feel about

420
00:15:00,310 --> 00:14:59,360
childhood traumas we talk we've talked a

421
00:15:02,949 --> 00:15:00,320
lot about that on

422
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:02,959
on this show and the impact that that

423
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:04,560
has on a child's brain

424
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:06,320
and then the ability for the child to

425
00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:08,720
overcome that later in life

426
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:12,560
in order to achieve wisdom

427
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:14,639
is clearly something very serious and of

428
00:15:19,829 --> 00:15:17,360
course it depends on the type of trauma

429
00:15:20,790 --> 00:15:19,839
whether it is physical mental cognitive

430
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:20,800
whatever it is

431
00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:22,320
it's telling from it's terrible i mean

432
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:24,240
it's really because we're affecting

433
00:15:28,949 --> 00:15:25,199
brains where

434
00:15:31,910 --> 00:15:28,959
in the developing stages it's very sad

435
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:31,920
on the other hand the kids do recover

436
00:15:36,389 --> 00:15:34,160
again it varies a lot depending on

437
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:36,399
trump it depends on the environment

438
00:15:40,949 --> 00:15:38,240
depends on the

439
00:15:42,629 --> 00:15:40,959
parents family the rest of the community

440
00:15:45,189 --> 00:15:42,639
how you can help them

441
00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:45,199
i mean we all have seen kids there who

442
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:45,920
had

443
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:49,199
severe childhood abuse and yet when they

444
00:15:53,189 --> 00:15:50,240
grew up

445
00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:53,199
they actually became very successful

446
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:54,000
researchers

447
00:16:01,110 --> 00:15:57,199
sociologists psychologists whatever

448
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:01,120
and they can do that

449
00:16:05,829 --> 00:16:03,920
but they need help they need support

450
00:16:08,629 --> 00:16:05,839
support is critical

451
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:08,639
and if we provide that support the kids

452
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:10,320
the worst possible trauma

453
00:16:14,629 --> 00:16:13,600
can recover and do much better than they

454
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:14,639
otherwise would

455
00:16:17,829 --> 00:16:16,720
and do they need to recover from those

456
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:17,839
traumas and ultimate

457
00:16:23,269 --> 00:16:21,120
in order to ultimately achieve

458
00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:23,279
they need to wisdom to a large extent

459
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:24,880
they don't have to forget the trauma

460
00:16:27,749 --> 00:16:25,680
they cannot

461
00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:27,759
forget the trauma often and total

462
00:16:33,189 --> 00:16:29,839
forgetting is not possible

463
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:33,199
however they really need to get over it

464
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:35,680
because if they persist there with that

465
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:36,880
that's going to be tough

466
00:16:40,949 --> 00:16:40,320
to recover from it so you accept the

467
00:16:43,509 --> 00:16:40,959
fact

468
00:16:44,949 --> 00:16:43,519
that you have trauma because there's

469
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:44,959
nothing you can do to that

470
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:48,560
something happen happen the wise person

471
00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:49,920
always thinks about where you go from

472
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:51,519
here what is under your control how you

473
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:52,320
move on

474
00:16:57,590 --> 00:16:55,759
to other things

475
00:16:59,910 --> 00:16:57,600
i mean what one thing i've observed is

476
00:17:02,949 --> 00:16:59,920
that as terrible as childhood trauma

477
00:17:03,749 --> 00:17:02,959
is that if you look at some of the great

478
00:17:06,949 --> 00:17:03,759
minds

479
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:06,959
out there especially in the arts

480
00:17:11,669 --> 00:17:10,640
you know musicians etc painters and so

481
00:17:14,870 --> 00:17:11,679
on i mean almost

482
00:17:17,429 --> 00:17:14,880
all of the exceptional people

483
00:17:18,549 --> 00:17:17,439
had some type of trauma early on that

484
00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:18,559
they had to

485
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:20,880
overcome or or deal with and they're

486
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:21,600
still suffering

487
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:24,319
from it to this day but they're very

488
00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:26,640
successful in this particular

489
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:30,080
field you're exactly right i think there

490
00:17:33,669 --> 00:17:30,559
are

491
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:33,679
great examples of people who really

492
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:34,880
suffered

493
00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:37,520
when they were growing up and here

494
00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:38,640
managed to recover

495
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:41,440
managed to overcome and beyond

496
00:17:44,710 --> 00:17:42,960
overcoming it they actually

497
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:44,720
you see sometimes people making that a

498
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:46,799
mission of their life for example

499
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:49,120
somebody who was alcoholic for a number

500
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:50,160
of years

501
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:52,960
recovers from and then that person

502
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:54,400
becomes a crusader

503
00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:56,720
for preventing alcoholism in the

504
00:18:00,390 --> 00:17:58,160
teenagers

505
00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:00,400
other people who actually take that as a

506
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:01,280
role

507
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:04,480
for avoiding and preventing the damage

508
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:05,360
that they have

509
00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:08,080
which is a great way of overcoming those

510
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:09,120
stresses right but

511
00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:11,760
there's many that become very successful

512
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:13,039
but they never

513
00:18:16,789 --> 00:18:15,280
truly overcome it i mean you know let's

514
00:18:17,669 --> 00:18:16,799
just take an example somebody like elton

515
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:17,679
john

516
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:21,360
i mean this guy's kind of the mozart of

517
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:22,720
our times

518
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:25,120
and but he has struggled his whole life

519
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:26,720
with addictions

520
00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:29,200
and with you know managing his own

521
00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:30,880
emotions and so on

522
00:18:34,390 --> 00:18:33,520
and to this day is certainly imperfect

523
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:34,400
and

524
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:36,880
probably not the wisest of people out

525
00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:38,880
there but achieve this incredible

526
00:18:43,029 --> 00:18:40,320
success

527
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:43,039
in large part stemming from this

528
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:44,000
childhood

529
00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:46,720
um neglect and and so forth that he

530
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:48,400
suffered

531
00:18:53,190 --> 00:18:51,440
that is that is true so the question is

532
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:53,200
i think it brought me what is the

533
00:18:56,789 --> 00:18:55,760
purpose of life for each person the

534
00:18:59,350 --> 00:18:56,799
purpose of life

535
00:19:00,789 --> 00:18:59,360
is to live happily have higher

536
00:19:03,029 --> 00:19:00,799
well-being

537
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:03,039
and the success that the society majors

538
00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:04,400
is important

539
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:06,080
but it may not be that important to the

540
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:08,840
person so let us see if i'm very highly

541
00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:10,320
successful in such

542
00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:12,320
sports i get all the championship but

543
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:14,000
i'm very sad i'm depressed

544
00:19:17,909 --> 00:19:16,799
and i commit suicide that's really not a

545
00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:17,919
happy life

546
00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:23,120
i may not get all the championships i

547
00:19:28,310 --> 00:19:25,039
will lose some and that's okay

548
00:19:31,029 --> 00:19:28,320
but i'm happy a wise person

549
00:19:32,549 --> 00:19:31,039
would would inherently be happy right

550
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:32,559
yeah there should be well-being

551
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:35,520
yes contentedness is essential not

552
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:37,360
happiness to an extreme where you are

553
00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:38,320
ecstatic and

554
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:40,000
so on that's just not necessary but

555
00:19:45,669 --> 00:19:42,480
that's actually not even appropriate

556
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:45,679
but contentedness is important

557
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:49,280
for wisdom going back to my uc irvine

558
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:50,960
days i remember a philosophy class i

559
00:19:53,510 --> 00:19:51,280
took

560
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:53,520
there where it you know it was always

561
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:54,640
like you know

562
00:19:58,710 --> 00:19:57,360
why do you want this and then you

563
00:20:01,909 --> 00:19:58,720
continue to ask that question

564
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:01,919
okay why do you want a new car oh well i

565
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:03,679
want to drive a new car because

566
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:05,039
you know i want to look okay why do you

567
00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:06,559
want to look cool i want to go so i get

568
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:07,120
acceptance

569
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:08,080
from my friends why do you want

570
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:09,919
acceptance understand and ultimately if

571
00:20:12,149 --> 00:20:11,360
you keep asking those questions the

572
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:12,159
ultimate end

573
00:20:16,070 --> 00:20:15,440
answer is for happiness that the

574
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:16,080
ultimate

575
00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:19,840
end of life is is happiness personal

576
00:20:23,909 --> 00:20:20,720
happiness

577
00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:23,919
is that correct that's exactly right

578
00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:25,440
you can't ask sorry i guess the last

579
00:20:27,190 --> 00:20:26,480
question is because you can't ask

580
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:27,200
somebody well

581
00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:29,600
why do you want to be happy happy is

582
00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:31,520
right that that's the ultimate ends

583
00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:33,120
is to be happy you can't ask somebody

584
00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:34,559
why do you want to be happy i want to be

585
00:20:37,510 --> 00:20:36,100
happy because um

586
00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:37,520
[Music]

587
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:40,559
i want to be happy exactly exactly but i

588
00:20:45,270 --> 00:20:43,360
think every person deserves to be happy

589
00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:45,280
and so that's and our goal is to make

590
00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:46,400
other people happy

591
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:49,520
so i'm a physician and so what is the

592
00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:51,440
goal of medical care

593
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:54,960
right and so often the medicine used to

594
00:20:59,510 --> 00:20:56,640
focus that's all it does

595
00:21:01,350 --> 00:20:59,520
on reducing symptoms so i'm a

596
00:21:02,789 --> 00:21:01,360
psychiatrist so if i keep somebody with

597
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:02,799
depression schizophrenia

598
00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:05,440
i want those symptoms to come down heart

599
00:21:09,190 --> 00:21:06,480
surgeon would have

600
00:21:10,950 --> 00:21:09,200
you know different things but still

601
00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:10,960
increasingly people have come to

602
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:12,080
conclusion

603
00:21:17,669 --> 00:21:15,360
that what the physician should do

604
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:17,679
is to improve the well-being of their

605
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:19,200
patient

606
00:21:24,070 --> 00:21:21,039
and so the ultimate outcome is

607
00:21:27,430 --> 00:21:24,080
well-being even in research at nih

608
00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:27,440
for example often the ultimate goal

609
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:29,440
is to improve well-being because if you

610
00:21:34,149 --> 00:21:30,960
reduce somebody's

611
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:34,159
blood pressure high blood pressure

612
00:21:37,510 --> 00:21:36,480
great but if that person continues to be

613
00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:37,520
unhappy

614
00:21:42,149 --> 00:21:40,080
we have not really succeeded so

615
00:21:42,789 --> 00:21:42,159
happiness contentedness and well-being

616
00:21:45,909 --> 00:21:42,799
are really

617
00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:45,919
as and we we have a society

618
00:21:49,190 --> 00:21:48,000
in america but probably most of the

619
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:49,200
world where there's

620
00:21:57,430 --> 00:21:53,760
this all the focus is on monetary things

621
00:21:59,350 --> 00:21:57,440
money things our gdp you know

622
00:22:01,830 --> 00:21:59,360
we want our president our congress to

623
00:22:05,270 --> 00:22:01,840
maximize our gdp

624
00:22:07,350 --> 00:22:05,280
and you know all this obsession about

625
00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:07,360
uh disparities in wealth wealth

626
00:22:10,310 --> 00:22:08,400
inequality

627
00:22:12,149 --> 00:22:10,320
and who has more and billionaires and

628
00:22:14,710 --> 00:22:12,159
people not having enough money

629
00:22:15,590 --> 00:22:14,720
but you you never hear america being

630
00:22:18,549 --> 00:22:15,600
measured

631
00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:18,559
by happiness no that's exactly right

632
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:20,880
there have been actually some studies of

633
00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:24,080
what is called happiness index

634
00:22:28,549 --> 00:22:25,919
and in france actually they had a

635
00:22:31,909 --> 00:22:28,559
minister for happiness

636
00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:31,919
and so they developed this happiness

637
00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:33,440
index and they measured in different

638
00:22:35,830 --> 00:22:34,320
countries

639
00:22:38,950 --> 00:22:35,840
again you know one can question is

640
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:38,960
reliability validity but whatever it is

641
00:22:45,110 --> 00:22:42,000
the u.s was somewhere in the middle not

642
00:22:48,310 --> 00:22:45,120
at the top not around and it was

643
00:22:51,190 --> 00:22:48,320
lower than number of poor countries

644
00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:51,200
okay just like you said our tendency is

645
00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:52,190
to equate

646
00:22:56,950 --> 00:22:53,840
[Music]

647
00:23:00,630 --> 00:22:56,960
happiness with income and that's not

648
00:23:03,510 --> 00:23:00,640
right people in poor countries um

649
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:03,520
are happier because they accept what

650
00:23:06,549 --> 00:23:04,559
they have i think

651
00:23:09,110 --> 00:23:06,559
unhappiness comes because our

652
00:23:11,909 --> 00:23:09,120
expectations exceed what we have

653
00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:11,919
and so if we adjust our expectations so

654
00:23:15,909 --> 00:23:14,000
what we can do

655
00:23:17,430 --> 00:23:15,919
we'll be happy and that doesn't mean

656
00:23:19,029 --> 00:23:17,440
lowering the expectations no

657
00:23:20,710 --> 00:23:19,039
i mean there are people even with

658
00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:20,720
disability they can do a lot and they do

659
00:23:24,549 --> 00:23:21,360
a lot

660
00:23:25,990 --> 00:23:24,559
but they cannot have unwilling

661
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:26,000
expectations for example

662
00:23:31,270 --> 00:23:28,960
let's say i have some weakness in my leg

663
00:23:33,590 --> 00:23:31,280
i can never play an account

664
00:23:34,950 --> 00:23:33,600
right but why do i have to play in

665
00:23:37,590 --> 00:23:34,960
another i can still

666
00:23:39,510 --> 00:23:37,600
do something i can run or whatever right

667
00:23:42,149 --> 00:23:39,520
so that's the thing that if we adjust

668
00:23:44,950 --> 00:23:42,159
the expectations to the best we can

669
00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:44,960
we'll be happy appreciating what you

670
00:23:48,390 --> 00:23:45,760
have

671
00:23:49,190 --> 00:23:48,400
right one of the main keys to happiness

672
00:24:08,630 --> 00:23:49,200
i

673
00:24:11,590 --> 00:24:08,640
be content

674
00:24:13,590 --> 00:24:11,600
with what you have and you know that is

675
00:24:16,549 --> 00:24:13,600
one of the very few differences

676
00:24:18,149 --> 00:24:16,559
in the concept of wisdom from scriptures

677
00:24:20,470 --> 00:24:18,159
to world today

678
00:24:22,149 --> 00:24:20,480
the scriptures don't talk about

679
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:22,159
materialism

680
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:24,240
they don't talk about how much wealth

681
00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:25,440
you have

682
00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:28,640
and some cultures actually

683
00:24:32,230 --> 00:24:30,480
you are frowned upon if you spend too

684
00:24:35,590 --> 00:24:32,240
much time on

685
00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:35,600
material goods but the modern world

686
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:37,520
the materialism becomes so important the

687
00:24:40,950 --> 00:24:39,279
wealth becomes so important

688
00:24:43,830 --> 00:24:40,960
that we think people are not wealthy

689
00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:43,840
must be unhappy that's not right

690
00:24:47,669 --> 00:24:45,360
yeah i mean just to say on that for a

691
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:47,679
second there was a um

692
00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:49,760
forget who it was but someone in the new

693
00:24:55,350 --> 00:24:52,000
administration that was talking about

694
00:24:58,710 --> 00:24:55,360
how we want parents in the workforce

695
00:25:02,070 --> 00:24:58,720
in particular mothers in the workforce

696
00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:02,080
and it's just like again why this

697
00:25:05,990 --> 00:25:03,360
objective that we want

698
00:25:06,549 --> 00:25:06,000
parents in the workforce to what end

699
00:25:09,830 --> 00:25:06,559
what

700
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:09,840
so that our america's gdp can get higher

701
00:25:13,909 --> 00:25:11,520
i mean is that how you achieve

702
00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:13,919
true happiness is to make sure that

703
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:15,440
parents are working

704
00:25:19,110 --> 00:25:17,760
what is the connection i mean that makes

705
00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:19,120
a particular parent happy

706
00:25:22,630 --> 00:25:22,080
okay uh but what is the connection

707
00:25:24,710 --> 00:25:22,640
between

708
00:25:27,269 --> 00:25:24,720
wanting parents in the workforce and

709
00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:29,350
that's where this acceptance of diverse

710
00:25:32,549 --> 00:25:31,200
perspectives comes into play

711
00:25:34,789 --> 00:25:32,559
that different people have different

712
00:25:37,110 --> 00:25:34,799
perspectives and they should continue

713
00:25:39,029 --> 00:25:37,120
pursuing what their perspective is and

714
00:25:41,590 --> 00:25:39,039
we shouldn't force it from

715
00:25:43,190 --> 00:25:41,600
others that everybody must do the same

716
00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:43,200
yeah yeah i mean government just too

717
00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:43,840
often

718
00:25:46,950 --> 00:25:46,000
overreaches in all parts of the world as

719
00:25:49,990 --> 00:25:46,960
far as

720
00:25:53,110 --> 00:25:50,000
deciding this is what people should want

721
00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:53,120
and then pushing in that direction

722
00:25:56,470 --> 00:25:54,480
my favorite thing to complain about is

723
00:25:58,789 --> 00:25:56,480
bloomberg in new york who wanted to ban

724
00:25:59,990 --> 00:25:58,799
16-ounce sodas because it has too much

725
00:26:03,750 --> 00:26:00,000
sugar

726
00:26:07,110 --> 00:26:03,760
like you know individual freedom

727
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:07,120
and in decision-making and so on is

728
00:26:10,789 --> 00:26:10,080
very key to ultimately obtaining happy i

729
00:26:14,390 --> 00:26:10,799
mean to have some

730
00:26:15,990 --> 00:26:14,400
things dictated to you as opposed to you

731
00:26:18,470 --> 00:26:16,000
making the decisions on your own it

732
00:26:20,230 --> 00:26:18,480
seems to me if i try to

733
00:26:22,149 --> 00:26:20,240
draw a comparison to wisdom that you're

734
00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:22,159
going to

735
00:26:26,549 --> 00:26:24,960
stifle people's development to wisdom if

736
00:26:28,070 --> 00:26:26,559
you have some overarching government

737
00:26:30,070 --> 00:26:28,080
telling people what they can and can't

738
00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:30,080
do

739
00:26:33,190 --> 00:26:31,760
i think probably one can give an example

740
00:26:36,390 --> 00:26:33,200
of parent so

741
00:26:37,669 --> 00:26:36,400
if a parent has three children and the

742
00:26:38,789 --> 00:26:37,679
three children are not going to be

743
00:26:40,230 --> 00:26:38,799
identical they have different

744
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:40,240
personalities they have different

745
00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:41,360
interests

746
00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:44,080
and they should pursue their interest

747
00:26:47,669 --> 00:26:45,360
which would be different

748
00:26:49,350 --> 00:26:47,679
so one may want to go to medicine one

749
00:26:51,990 --> 00:26:49,360
may want to be artist

750
00:26:53,669 --> 00:26:52,000
and one may you know may want to do

751
00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:53,679
social work or go into politics whatever

752
00:26:56,549 --> 00:26:55,200
it is

753
00:26:58,630 --> 00:26:56,559
i think it will be wrong to expect that

754
00:27:01,029 --> 00:26:58,640
all of them must do something same thing

755
00:27:04,870 --> 00:27:01,039
that the parents did

756
00:27:07,909 --> 00:27:04,880
so okay so i agree that

757
00:27:10,470 --> 00:27:07,919
accepting different perspectives and so

758
00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:10,480
the parent's goal would be to help them

759
00:27:14,390 --> 00:27:11,600
achieve their goals

760
00:27:15,510 --> 00:27:14,400
what they want to do yeah well let's

761
00:27:18,549 --> 00:27:15,520
let's say in children for

762
00:27:20,470 --> 00:27:18,559
a second that that story uh uh struck a

763
00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:20,480
a nerve with me by the way because my

764
00:27:23,430 --> 00:27:21,600
father

765
00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:23,440
always said i was going to be a lawyer

766
00:27:28,070 --> 00:27:25,760
and i'm talking about eight years old

767
00:27:29,909 --> 00:27:28,080
and my brother was going to be a doctor

768
00:27:30,630 --> 00:27:29,919
so you know nice aspirations for a

769
00:27:32,149 --> 00:27:30,640
parent

770
00:27:33,990 --> 00:27:32,159
if you ask my dad today about it he'll

771
00:27:35,350 --> 00:27:34,000
say well what's wrong with you know

772
00:27:37,269 --> 00:27:35,360
put pla implanting something in the

773
00:27:40,310 --> 00:27:37,279
kid's head you know but

774
00:27:41,830 --> 00:27:40,320
from the age of eight i was obsessed

775
00:27:44,470 --> 00:27:41,840
with radio

776
00:27:47,029 --> 00:27:44,480
i was announcing my little league games

777
00:27:49,510 --> 00:27:47,039
from the shortstop position

778
00:27:50,870 --> 00:27:49,520
i mean it was just in my nature i was

779
00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:50,880
just obsessed with with everything about

780
00:27:54,630 --> 00:27:53,360
broadcasting whoops

781
00:27:56,389 --> 00:27:54,640
can't keep my microphone straight maybe

782
00:27:59,430 --> 00:27:56,399
i shouldn't be in broadcasting anyway

783
00:28:00,870 --> 00:27:59,440
uh but he sent me on the direction of

784
00:28:02,549 --> 00:28:00,880
being a lawyer now i'll never say that i

785
00:28:04,710 --> 00:28:02,559
regret regretted becoming a lawyer but i

786
00:28:05,669 --> 00:28:04,720
do have to acknowledge that had i gone

787
00:28:07,190 --> 00:28:05,679
down that other path

788
00:28:09,350 --> 00:28:07,200
from the beginning instead of now doing

789
00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:09,360
it at the end because i've done

790
00:28:12,950 --> 00:28:12,159
a number of different shows throughout

791
00:28:14,870 --> 00:28:12,960
my career

792
00:28:15,990 --> 00:28:14,880
but you know i was a lawyer and then i

793
00:28:17,590 --> 00:28:16,000
ran a company

794
00:28:19,269 --> 00:28:17,600
and then we sold the company and then i

795
00:28:20,389 --> 00:28:19,279
started this and so i'm arguably now

796
00:28:22,630 --> 00:28:20,399
finally doing my

797
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:22,640
my true passion uh but if dad had just

798
00:28:26,070 --> 00:28:23,440
kept me on that

799
00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:26,080
course or so what what is your advice to

800
00:28:30,870 --> 00:28:27,760
parents in that regard as they're

801
00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:30,880
raising their kids and sending them on a

802
00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:32,240
path

803
00:28:35,590 --> 00:28:34,640
our ultimate goal would be to make the

804
00:28:38,149 --> 00:28:35,600
kids happy

805
00:28:39,430 --> 00:28:38,159
obviously i mean at the same time they

806
00:28:41,269 --> 00:28:39,440
have to survive

807
00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:41,279
and thrive in the world which is

808
00:28:45,110 --> 00:28:44,000
competitive and so it's a balance that

809
00:28:47,350 --> 00:28:45,120
is what is needed

810
00:28:48,230 --> 00:28:47,360
on the one hand so they need to study

811
00:28:50,950 --> 00:28:48,240
hard

812
00:28:51,350 --> 00:28:50,960
if but again if they are capable of that

813
00:28:54,549 --> 00:28:51,360
so

814
00:28:56,470 --> 00:28:54,559
if our child who is disabled

815
00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:56,480
has autism let us say or intellectual

816
00:28:59,190 --> 00:28:57,679
disability disorder

817
00:29:01,430 --> 00:28:59,200
then my expectations of the child would

818
00:29:04,710 --> 00:29:01,440
be very different from a child

819
00:29:05,590 --> 00:29:04,720
who is super smart right so i need to

820
00:29:09,269 --> 00:29:05,600
find out what

821
00:29:12,310 --> 00:29:09,279
that child can do at their best

822
00:29:13,110 --> 00:29:12,320
how do i help a child grow to be the

823
00:29:16,230 --> 00:29:13,120
best

824
00:29:19,750 --> 00:29:16,240
he can be and

825
00:29:21,909 --> 00:29:19,760
that's not in my sort of

826
00:29:23,750 --> 00:29:21,919
with my vision in mind but what the

827
00:29:27,269 --> 00:29:23,760
child would want to be

828
00:29:30,149 --> 00:29:27,279
but how do i help that and so

829
00:29:30,950 --> 00:29:30,159
not imposing my values also taking

830
00:29:34,149 --> 00:29:30,960
account

831
00:29:36,549 --> 00:29:34,159
the child's strengths and limitations

832
00:29:37,669 --> 00:29:36,559
equally important attitudes that's

833
00:29:39,990 --> 00:29:37,679
important

834
00:29:41,110 --> 00:29:40,000
i mean obviously the my child won't you

835
00:29:42,789 --> 00:29:41,120
know if the

836
00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:42,799
child wants to be an alcoholic or

837
00:29:47,510 --> 00:29:44,159
something that's not good

838
00:29:49,510 --> 00:29:47,520
and so that's something i would not um

839
00:29:52,630 --> 00:29:49,520
encourage i mean i would prevent that to

840
00:29:56,070 --> 00:29:54,389
but just like you said if the child is

841
00:29:57,110 --> 00:29:56,080
saying not meant to be a musician and i

842
00:29:59,029 --> 00:29:57,120
am a musician

843
00:30:00,230 --> 00:29:59,039
that's totally wrong to force music on

844
00:30:01,990 --> 00:30:00,240
the child

845
00:30:04,549 --> 00:30:02,000
uh other than i'm not a musician that

846
00:30:07,590 --> 00:30:04,559
kind of is a very interested in music

847
00:30:08,310 --> 00:30:07,600
then i would enroll them in some music

848
00:30:10,630 --> 00:30:08,320
classes

849
00:30:12,149 --> 00:30:10,640
and help them with although i don't

850
00:30:13,430 --> 00:30:12,159
learn anything about music it's good for

851
00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:13,440
them because they like it

852
00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:17,760
and they can do it so the parent's job

853
00:30:24,470 --> 00:30:21,440
is to help their each child

854
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:24,480
grow into the best they can be which

855
00:30:29,350 --> 00:30:26,960
will make them happy

856
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:29,360
it takes a wise person to raise a wise

857
00:30:34,310 --> 00:30:31,440
child it sounds like

858
00:30:36,549 --> 00:30:34,320
uh yes i mean it's also a matter of luck

859
00:30:38,230 --> 00:30:36,559
uh you know i so

860
00:30:40,310 --> 00:30:38,240
so i'm lucky in the sense that you know

861
00:30:41,190 --> 00:30:40,320
my wife is a choice of characters we

862
00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:41,200
have two daughters

863
00:30:45,350 --> 00:30:43,760
and both of them are physicians and we

864
00:30:47,029 --> 00:30:45,360
we never told them to be

865
00:30:48,830 --> 00:30:47,039
physicians at all which is something

866
00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:48,840
they chose to do

867
00:30:55,510 --> 00:30:52,320
and the

868
00:30:56,870 --> 00:30:55,520
point is that i often consider myself

869
00:30:57,590 --> 00:30:56,880
lucky because things would have gone

870
00:31:00,230 --> 00:30:57,600
wrong

871
00:31:01,990 --> 00:31:00,240
i mean what if the child had been born

872
00:31:03,430 --> 00:31:02,000
with cerebral palsy or something like

873
00:31:05,110 --> 00:31:03,440
that i would have no control

874
00:31:06,710 --> 00:31:05,120
or if something happened to the child

875
00:31:07,350 --> 00:31:06,720
afterwards again i would have had no

876
00:31:09,110 --> 00:31:07,360
control

877
00:31:10,549 --> 00:31:09,120
so definitely i count my blessings all

878
00:31:13,110 --> 00:31:10,559
the time but

879
00:31:14,389 --> 00:31:13,120
beyond that i feel good that i've been a

880
00:31:26,549 --> 00:31:14,399
good parent

881
00:31:30,230 --> 00:31:28,389
all the time but they said they know

882
00:31:31,590 --> 00:31:30,240
that if they needed me i would always be

883
00:31:33,269 --> 00:31:31,600
available

884
00:31:35,029 --> 00:31:33,279
and that's the best compliment i can

885
00:31:38,310 --> 00:31:35,039
ever get from anybody

886
00:31:39,830 --> 00:31:38,320
uh and so this is not because i spent a

887
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:39,840
lot of time with them no actually i

888
00:31:43,909 --> 00:31:40,159
didn't

889
00:31:45,830 --> 00:31:43,919
in the sense but i spent quality time

890
00:31:47,750 --> 00:31:45,840
and they saw me being happy i think that

891
00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:47,760
was important

892
00:31:52,710 --> 00:31:50,960
so how would you describe the role of

893
00:31:55,830 --> 00:31:52,720
nature versus nurture

894
00:31:58,310 --> 00:31:55,840
in creating a wise person so

895
00:32:00,310 --> 00:31:58,320
wisdom as i said is a personality trait

896
00:32:04,149 --> 00:32:00,320
and most personality traits

897
00:32:08,310 --> 00:32:04,159
are about 50 percent inherited

898
00:32:10,950 --> 00:32:08,320
that means 50 of them are determined by

899
00:32:12,950 --> 00:32:10,960
environment and behavior but this is a

900
00:32:16,070 --> 00:32:12,960
general percentage that very iq for

901
00:32:19,750 --> 00:32:16,080
example you can't really change it much

902
00:32:20,630 --> 00:32:19,760
this time iq is nature iq is natural

903
00:32:22,549 --> 00:32:20,640
that's correct

904
00:32:23,990 --> 00:32:22,559
i mean you can make small difference by

905
00:32:27,430 --> 00:32:24,000
improving the environment

906
00:32:29,430 --> 00:32:27,440
but not a huge difference wisdom you can

907
00:32:30,630 --> 00:32:29,440
that's the nice thing about wisdom you

908
00:32:33,269 --> 00:32:30,640
can improve somebody's

909
00:32:35,029 --> 00:32:33,279
empathy compassion self-reflection

910
00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:35,039
emotional regulation

911
00:32:39,269 --> 00:32:37,840
spirituality accepting diversity so you

912
00:32:41,350 --> 00:32:39,279
can improve that

913
00:32:43,990 --> 00:32:41,360
and that's why i think it is something

914
00:32:46,789 --> 00:32:44,000
that the society needs to do

915
00:32:48,870 --> 00:32:46,799
i mean just as you said so correctly we

916
00:32:49,750 --> 00:32:48,880
are so focused on these materialistic

917
00:32:52,870 --> 00:32:49,760
things

918
00:32:55,990 --> 00:32:52,880
and in the process what is happening

919
00:32:59,669 --> 00:32:56,000
the societal wisdom is going down

920
00:33:02,470 --> 00:32:59,679
i believe that that talking about the

921
00:33:04,789 --> 00:33:02,480
pandemic of loneliness suicides opioid

922
00:33:06,549 --> 00:33:04,799
news

923
00:33:08,230 --> 00:33:06,559
it is real and it has been going on for

924
00:33:11,350 --> 00:33:08,240
last two decades

925
00:33:12,230 --> 00:33:11,360
if not longer oh yeah yeah you know

926
00:33:15,430 --> 00:33:12,240
mental health

927
00:33:17,350 --> 00:33:15,440
in america is probably

928
00:33:18,950 --> 00:33:17,360
at i don't know about an all-time low

929
00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:18,960
but certainly is

930
00:33:27,990 --> 00:33:24,720
a low in our lifetimes right it is cdc

931
00:33:31,590 --> 00:33:28,000
data show that the rates of suicide

932
00:33:37,029 --> 00:33:31,600
in the us have increased 33 percent

933
00:33:42,789 --> 00:33:39,509
i'm sorry go ahead and the deaths from

934
00:33:45,430 --> 00:33:42,799
opioid use had increased six folds

935
00:33:47,029 --> 00:33:45,440
from 1999 to 30. so obviously there's

936
00:33:49,830 --> 00:33:47,039
something wrong

937
00:33:51,430 --> 00:33:49,840
yeah shootings shootings are up suicides

938
00:33:55,590 --> 00:33:51,440
are up uh depression

939
00:33:59,029 --> 00:33:55,600
is up drug drug abuse is up am i wrong

940
00:34:01,830 --> 00:33:59,039
to attribute that to the breakdown

941
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:01,840
of the family it seems to me if you look

942
00:34:05,190 --> 00:34:03,760
at statistics on the family and the

943
00:34:06,789 --> 00:34:05,200
number of children raised in a single

944
00:34:09,829 --> 00:34:06,799
parent home etc

945
00:34:11,430 --> 00:34:09,839
has gone up dramatically kind of in

946
00:34:14,550 --> 00:34:11,440
advance of that same

947
00:34:15,349 --> 00:34:14,560
period so that's what i point to what do

948
00:34:18,710 --> 00:34:15,359
you think

949
00:34:20,470 --> 00:34:18,720
so i think what you said

950
00:34:21,909 --> 00:34:20,480
very correct and that has been going on

951
00:34:24,710 --> 00:34:21,919
obviously for some time

952
00:34:26,149 --> 00:34:24,720
but i think what happened in the last 20

953
00:34:29,750 --> 00:34:26,159
to 30 years

954
00:34:33,589 --> 00:34:29,760
is two things globalization

955
00:34:35,909 --> 00:34:33,599
and very rapid rise in technology

956
00:34:37,349 --> 00:34:35,919
uh and it's about having good

957
00:34:38,869 --> 00:34:37,359
instability obviously you know

958
00:34:41,030 --> 00:34:38,879
globalization brings

959
00:34:42,389 --> 00:34:41,040
the whole world together small world we

960
00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:42,399
can go anywhere

961
00:34:47,270 --> 00:34:45,760
and you know etc technology is great and

962
00:34:48,710 --> 00:34:47,280
without technology we won't be having

963
00:34:52,069 --> 00:34:48,720
this kind of meeting

964
00:34:54,869 --> 00:34:52,079
uh you know it helps poor people uh

965
00:34:56,470 --> 00:34:54,879
in india when i was growing up i had to

966
00:34:58,950 --> 00:34:56,480
wait for we had to wait for 20 years

967
00:35:01,190 --> 00:34:58,960
before we could have a phone at home

968
00:35:02,950 --> 00:35:01,200
and you have to be super rich now even

969
00:35:06,150 --> 00:35:02,960
person in a ghetto has a

970
00:35:07,190 --> 00:35:06,160
smartphone so globalization and

971
00:35:10,230 --> 00:35:07,200
technology have

972
00:35:11,510 --> 00:35:10,240
helped but also they have heard in major

973
00:35:13,270 --> 00:35:11,520
ways

974
00:35:16,150 --> 00:35:13,280
so because of globalization the

975
00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:16,160
competition has increased tremendously

976
00:35:20,950 --> 00:35:18,960
so now i'm competing not only with

977
00:35:22,390 --> 00:35:20,960
people in san diego or california areas

978
00:35:23,589 --> 00:35:22,400
and competing with people from all over

979
00:35:27,109 --> 00:35:23,599
the world

980
00:35:29,190 --> 00:35:27,119
so how to get a job how to keep a job

981
00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:29,200
also the pressure is greater if i just

982
00:35:31,829 --> 00:35:30,640
stay in san diego all the time people

983
00:35:33,990 --> 00:35:31,839
will say what is wrong with you

984
00:35:35,670 --> 00:35:34,000
how come you are not doing other things

985
00:35:39,270 --> 00:35:35,680
right

986
00:35:42,950 --> 00:35:39,280
also globalization has increased

987
00:35:45,109 --> 00:35:42,960
our stress because

988
00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:45,119
constantly we are getting bad news from

989
00:35:52,390 --> 00:35:50,870
so if there is something if i only got

990
00:35:54,150 --> 00:35:52,400
san diego news let us say

991
00:35:55,670 --> 00:35:54,160
you know the good things happen here bad

992
00:35:56,150 --> 00:35:55,680
things happen here but when you look at

993
00:36:00,069 --> 00:35:56,160
the world

994
00:36:03,109 --> 00:36:00,079
only news that makes headlines is

995
00:36:04,870 --> 00:36:03,119
earthquake in japan or tsunami in

996
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:04,880
bangladesh or

997
00:36:08,390 --> 00:36:06,800
terrorist attack in italy so on and so

998
00:36:10,550 --> 00:36:08,400
forth so

999
00:36:13,430 --> 00:36:10,560
really start feeling down because that's

1000
00:36:15,589 --> 00:36:13,440
all you get so that's globalization

1001
00:36:16,710 --> 00:36:15,599
when you come to technology it is

1002
00:36:20,230 --> 00:36:16,720
advancing

1003
00:36:22,630 --> 00:36:20,240
so fast i really think that human brain

1004
00:36:24,790 --> 00:36:22,640
probably might not have been meant to

1005
00:36:26,950 --> 00:36:24,800
tackle these changes at that level

1006
00:36:27,990 --> 00:36:26,960
i mean i was so happy when i switched

1007
00:36:30,630 --> 00:36:28,000
from my

1008
00:36:32,150 --> 00:36:30,640
iphone 6 right on 10 i said that's great

1009
00:36:36,150 --> 00:36:32,160
and before i knew there was already

1010
00:36:38,150 --> 00:36:36,160
iphone 12 x out there

1011
00:36:39,750 --> 00:36:38,160
there is information overload an

1012
00:36:41,829 --> 00:36:39,760
expectation that i wouldn't

1013
00:36:43,190 --> 00:36:41,839
need to know everything that's going on

1014
00:36:46,390 --> 00:36:43,200
how come you didn't know you didn't

1015
00:36:49,109 --> 00:36:46,400
did you read that etc social media

1016
00:36:50,310 --> 00:36:49,119
social media have had such negative

1017
00:36:52,630 --> 00:36:50,320
influence on

1018
00:36:54,790 --> 00:36:52,640
many younger people and we are read

1019
00:36:58,150 --> 00:36:54,800
about these suicides committed by

1020
00:37:01,829 --> 00:36:58,160
people because of social media um

1021
00:37:03,990 --> 00:37:01,839
tweets or whatever and and especially

1022
00:37:06,150 --> 00:37:04,000
the younger people are suffering more

1023
00:37:07,190 --> 00:37:06,160
from people so i think that what is

1024
00:37:10,310 --> 00:37:07,200
happening

1025
00:37:13,589 --> 00:37:10,320
with globalization and

1026
00:37:14,310 --> 00:37:13,599
um very rapid rise of technology is that

1027
00:37:16,950 --> 00:37:14,320
so they are

1028
00:37:18,390 --> 00:37:16,960
making what you are saying even worse

1029
00:37:20,950 --> 00:37:18,400
families are waking up

1030
00:37:22,790 --> 00:37:20,960
you know increase divorce rates and

1031
00:37:25,829 --> 00:37:22,800
people are moving

1032
00:37:27,910 --> 00:37:25,839
lack of social connectedness

1033
00:37:29,190 --> 00:37:27,920
yeah and and the lack of family kind of

1034
00:37:30,950 --> 00:37:29,200
plays right into that

1035
00:37:33,030 --> 00:37:30,960
right the social connectedness if you

1036
00:37:35,349 --> 00:37:33,040
don't have the connectedness of a family

1037
00:37:36,470 --> 00:37:35,359
and and a strong family can overcome

1038
00:37:38,230 --> 00:37:36,480
some of the things that you're talking

1039
00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:38,240
about but when you then don't have those

1040
00:37:40,950 --> 00:37:39,200
roots

1041
00:37:43,910 --> 00:37:40,960
and you throw in the technology and the

1042
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:43,920
globalization that's really a recipe

1043
00:37:48,950 --> 00:37:45,359
now that that's very true actually the

1044
00:37:50,870 --> 00:37:48,960
studies in the last 30 years have shown

1045
00:37:52,470 --> 00:37:50,880
what is called social determinants of

1046
00:37:54,870 --> 00:37:52,480
health

1047
00:37:56,390 --> 00:37:54,880
loneliness social isolation social

1048
00:37:58,069 --> 00:37:56,400
support social engagement

1049
00:37:59,589 --> 00:37:58,079
and that of course includes family

1050
00:38:00,870 --> 00:37:59,599
support and family engagement i mean

1051
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:00,880
that's the proof

1052
00:38:08,069 --> 00:38:04,560
society we have right

1053
00:38:11,190 --> 00:38:08,079
they have greater effect

1054
00:38:15,670 --> 00:38:11,200
on our health and lifespan

1055
00:38:19,109 --> 00:38:15,680
than smoking obesity physical activity

1056
00:38:20,069 --> 00:38:19,119
alcoholism yet we don't pay attention to

1057
00:38:23,190 --> 00:38:20,079
them

1058
00:38:24,790 --> 00:38:23,200
so having and one of the best protective

1059
00:38:27,670 --> 00:38:24,800
factors against loneliness

1060
00:38:28,310 --> 00:38:27,680
is being married or having a partner and

1061
00:38:31,190 --> 00:38:28,320
having a

1062
00:38:31,670 --> 00:38:31,200
happy relationship with that person uh

1063
00:38:34,950 --> 00:38:31,680
studies

1064
00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:34,960
actually religiosity has also been found

1065
00:38:39,349 --> 00:38:36,240
to be associated

1066
00:38:42,630 --> 00:38:39,359
with better health and greater longevity

1067
00:38:45,349 --> 00:38:42,640
education uh is of course

1068
00:38:46,870 --> 00:38:45,359
important but of this change i mean

1069
00:38:48,150 --> 00:38:46,880
there are things that we have control

1070
00:38:50,069 --> 00:38:48,160
over

1071
00:38:51,990 --> 00:38:50,079
and that includes again family and

1072
00:38:55,270 --> 00:38:52,000
society

1073
00:38:57,670 --> 00:38:55,280
so the last item on uh what makes a

1074
00:38:59,430 --> 00:38:57,680
wise person or what is wisdom is social

1075
00:39:03,670 --> 00:38:59,440
decision making in pragmatic

1076
00:39:08,870 --> 00:39:06,950
so wise person

1077
00:39:10,710 --> 00:39:08,880
is not necessarily this that the

1078
00:39:11,109 --> 00:39:10,720
smartest person the most highly educated

1079
00:39:13,270 --> 00:39:11,119
no

1080
00:39:14,870 --> 00:39:13,280
i mean it can be a grandma in a small

1081
00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:14,880
village

1082
00:39:19,270 --> 00:39:17,760
she is actually the wisest person and

1083
00:39:19,750 --> 00:39:19,280
then everybody goes to her when they

1084
00:39:22,630 --> 00:39:19,760
have

1085
00:39:23,270 --> 00:39:22,640
some difficulty because she has the

1086
00:39:25,589 --> 00:39:23,280
knowledge

1087
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:25,599
of life she has been through that she

1088
00:39:29,109 --> 00:39:27,040
has knowledge of the

1089
00:39:30,150 --> 00:39:29,119
family community she knows the

1090
00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:30,160
differences

1091
00:39:33,829 --> 00:39:32,880
and she knows what will work for whom

1092
00:39:37,349 --> 00:39:33,839
which younger people

1093
00:39:39,030 --> 00:39:37,359
may not or the smartest people may not

1094
00:39:41,109 --> 00:39:39,040
because she's not too selfish she's not

1095
00:39:43,109 --> 00:39:41,119
self-centered so she actually has a

1096
00:39:44,710 --> 00:39:43,119
better objective perspective

1097
00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:44,720
and she wants to help her and she has no

1098
00:39:48,069 --> 00:39:46,560
selfish needs because she has lived her

1099
00:39:50,550 --> 00:39:48,079
life

1100
00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:50,560
so that kind of social decision making

1101
00:39:54,470 --> 00:39:52,000
becomes important

1102
00:39:56,870 --> 00:39:54,480
you know it is a village elder or we

1103
00:39:59,030 --> 00:39:56,880
talk about elderly statesman

1104
00:40:00,310 --> 00:39:59,040
because these are people who can give

1105
00:40:03,190 --> 00:40:00,320
conflict free

1106
00:40:03,670 --> 00:40:03,200
advice most of the younger people they

1107
00:40:06,309 --> 00:40:03,680
would have

1108
00:40:06,710 --> 00:40:06,319
to think about what helped them they

1109
00:40:11,589 --> 00:40:06,720
would

1110
00:40:13,109 --> 00:40:11,599
suggest to others and

1111
00:40:15,109 --> 00:40:13,119
so that is the social decision making

1112
00:40:18,150 --> 00:40:15,119
which is helpful for others

1113
00:40:19,910 --> 00:40:18,160
that's important so i i found your your

1114
00:40:20,470 --> 00:40:19,920
six question test i think i think this

1115
00:40:23,990 --> 00:40:20,480
is your

1116
00:40:28,069 --> 00:40:24,000
test for evaluating actually it's a

1117
00:40:30,790 --> 00:40:28,079
28 item scale and what happened was this

1118
00:40:32,710 --> 00:40:30,800
daily mail in london and the story they

1119
00:40:35,750 --> 00:40:32,720
actually published the six items so

1120
00:40:36,550 --> 00:40:35,760
six items became famous but uh but still

1121
00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:36,560
it is fine

1122
00:40:40,470 --> 00:40:38,240
so it's worth taking through these six

1123
00:40:41,670 --> 00:40:40,480
items i'm going to take the test right

1124
00:40:43,670 --> 00:40:41,680
now

1125
00:40:44,870 --> 00:40:43,680
and and you can kind of walk us through

1126
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:44,880
you know why these are important but

1127
00:40:48,550 --> 00:40:45,920
they relate to all the things you just

1128
00:40:49,430 --> 00:40:48,560
said i think i enjoy being exposed to

1129
00:40:52,470 --> 00:40:49,440
diverse

1130
00:40:54,790 --> 00:40:52,480
viewpoints so i

1131
00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:54,800
i gave myself a four out of five i i

1132
00:40:57,910 --> 00:40:56,240
think that i

1133
00:40:59,589 --> 00:40:57,920
certainly enjoy hearing different

1134
00:41:01,829 --> 00:40:59,599
viewpoints although

1135
00:41:02,950 --> 00:41:01,839
sometimes it is more enjoyable to

1136
00:41:04,630 --> 00:41:02,960
converse with people that

1137
00:41:06,069 --> 00:41:04,640
share your view it's a little

1138
00:41:08,470 --> 00:41:06,079
uncomfortable a little harder

1139
00:41:10,790 --> 00:41:08,480
to have the other conversations so as

1140
00:41:13,270 --> 00:41:10,800
far as enjoy

1141
00:41:14,390 --> 00:41:13,280
i'm open to them but to be honest i

1142
00:41:17,829 --> 00:41:14,400
probably enjoy

1143
00:41:19,910 --> 00:41:17,839
those those conversations less

1144
00:41:21,109 --> 00:41:19,920
i think that's that's actually a really

1145
00:41:23,270 --> 00:41:21,119
good score

1146
00:41:25,030 --> 00:41:23,280
i mean the idea that one should get a

1147
00:41:28,390 --> 00:41:25,040
five on everything

1148
00:41:29,670 --> 00:41:28,400
is not correct because for so you need a

1149
00:41:31,670 --> 00:41:29,680
balance

1150
00:41:33,750 --> 00:41:31,680
for example let's say i let's say i

1151
00:41:35,030 --> 00:41:33,760
truly let's say i truly enjoyed our

1152
00:41:36,550 --> 00:41:35,040
diverse perspective

1153
00:41:38,390 --> 00:41:36,560
i'll be getting different perspectives

1154
00:41:40,550 --> 00:41:38,400
from everybody

1155
00:41:43,510 --> 00:41:40,560
i will have a problem the problem is i

1156
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:43,520
will never be able to make a decision

1157
00:41:47,270 --> 00:41:44,720
because i don't know which is right and

1158
00:41:48,309 --> 00:41:47,280
which is wrong right i mean i hear from

1159
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:48,319
our perspective

1160
00:41:52,230 --> 00:41:51,040
and i think they are all right how can i

1161
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:52,240
be decisive

1162
00:41:57,670 --> 00:41:55,440
so there needs to be some limit to that

1163
00:41:59,109 --> 00:41:57,680
but you as a talk show first i mean

1164
00:42:01,670 --> 00:41:59,119
obviously you listen to

1165
00:42:03,349 --> 00:42:01,680
diverse perspectives and so your rating

1166
00:42:05,190 --> 00:42:03,359
is very appropriate

1167
00:42:06,950 --> 00:42:05,200
interesting so that's kind of a trick

1168
00:42:08,230 --> 00:42:06,960
question i assumed that the best answer

1169
00:42:11,270 --> 00:42:08,240
was to be a five

1170
00:42:13,109 --> 00:42:11,280
on enjoying being disposed exposed to

1171
00:42:16,630 --> 00:42:13,119
diverse viewpoints but you're saying

1172
00:42:19,910 --> 00:42:16,640
not necessarily one thing is there is no

1173
00:42:21,910 --> 00:42:19,920
ideal score or perfect score

1174
00:42:23,190 --> 00:42:21,920
it depends on the environment and

1175
00:42:27,190 --> 00:42:23,200
personality

1176
00:42:30,470 --> 00:42:27,200
a and so on and so forth but

1177
00:42:32,390 --> 00:42:30,480
score below three is not corrupt

1178
00:42:34,550 --> 00:42:32,400
okay the next one is i have a difficult

1179
00:42:36,790 --> 00:42:34,560
time keeping friendships

1180
00:42:38,230 --> 00:42:36,800
um i i don't feel that i have a

1181
00:42:38,710 --> 00:42:38,240
difficult time with that but but explain

1182
00:42:40,710 --> 00:42:38,720
to us

1183
00:42:43,109 --> 00:42:40,720
why that's a relevant question for

1184
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:43,119
wisdom

1185
00:42:48,790 --> 00:42:46,240
because if i have difficulty keeping

1186
00:42:51,030 --> 00:42:48,800
friendship that means i probably don't

1187
00:42:53,430 --> 00:42:51,040
have enough compassion or empathy

1188
00:42:55,030 --> 00:42:53,440
that also means that i don't actually

1189
00:42:57,030 --> 00:42:55,040
have ability to understand

1190
00:42:58,309 --> 00:42:57,040
others emotions or thinking and that's

1191
00:43:01,670 --> 00:42:58,319
why they avoid me

1192
00:43:03,349 --> 00:43:01,680
i don't have good social skills but

1193
00:43:04,790 --> 00:43:03,359
you know you don't need to have funded

1194
00:43:05,349 --> 00:43:04,800
friends you don't even need to have 10

1195
00:43:08,790 --> 00:43:05,359
friends

1196
00:43:11,430 --> 00:43:08,800
if you have two or three who are

1197
00:43:12,390 --> 00:43:11,440
close to you people you trust people you

1198
00:43:14,630 --> 00:43:12,400
respect

1199
00:43:15,430 --> 00:43:14,640
you are fine i mean older people

1200
00:43:17,349 --> 00:43:15,440
sometimes

1201
00:43:19,510 --> 00:43:17,359
they live with their spouse or partner

1202
00:43:21,190 --> 00:43:19,520
and that's the only contact they have

1203
00:43:22,870 --> 00:43:21,200
but if they have a good relationship

1204
00:43:25,829 --> 00:43:22,880
they don't need anything else

1205
00:43:27,750 --> 00:43:25,839
but if you don't have that then it

1206
00:43:29,030 --> 00:43:27,760
really creates problems because social

1207
00:43:31,190 --> 00:43:29,040
support

1208
00:43:32,870 --> 00:43:31,200
including this friendship is one of the

1209
00:43:36,069 --> 00:43:32,880
best predictors

1210
00:43:37,510 --> 00:43:36,079
of happier and longer life

1211
00:43:39,829 --> 00:43:37,520
here was an inch really interesting one

1212
00:43:41,030 --> 00:43:39,839
i thought i i tend to postpone making

1213
00:43:44,550 --> 00:43:41,040
major decisions

1214
00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:44,560
as long as i can um

1215
00:43:49,510 --> 00:43:47,760
that that i definitely uh

1216
00:43:51,109 --> 00:43:49,520
have a tough time making that final

1217
00:43:52,550 --> 00:43:51,119
decision you know when you know okay

1218
00:43:52,950 --> 00:43:52,560
there's no going back once you decide

1219
00:43:55,270 --> 00:43:52,960
this

1220
00:43:57,109 --> 00:43:55,280
that's the direction you're you're going

1221
00:43:58,630 --> 00:43:57,119
and tend to hesitate pulling the trigger

1222
00:43:59,990 --> 00:43:58,640
at that so

1223
00:44:02,470 --> 00:44:00,000
where should you be coming down if

1224
00:44:06,390 --> 00:44:02,480
you're a wise person on postponing major

1225
00:44:10,470 --> 00:44:08,950
so what it means is that major so we are

1226
00:44:13,670 --> 00:44:10,480
not about minor decisions of course so

1227
00:44:15,670 --> 00:44:13,680
major decisions the major decisions

1228
00:44:17,430 --> 00:44:15,680
should not be made impulsively and

1229
00:44:18,150 --> 00:44:17,440
immediately so somebody who makes the

1230
00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:18,160
decision

1231
00:44:22,790 --> 00:44:20,800
quite really quickly if you get a major

1232
00:44:26,309 --> 00:44:22,800
email and respond to it right away

1233
00:44:27,589 --> 00:44:26,319
that's not wise but you can't sit on it

1234
00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:27,599
forever

1235
00:44:31,030 --> 00:44:29,680
because why are so if i have to make a

1236
00:44:32,950 --> 00:44:31,040
major decision

1237
00:44:34,390 --> 00:44:32,960
say whether to buy this house or that

1238
00:44:36,230 --> 00:44:34,400
house or

1239
00:44:37,670 --> 00:44:36,240
even more major of course would be

1240
00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:37,680
choosing a job let us say

1241
00:44:43,430 --> 00:44:40,560
or um and when you're younger choosing

1242
00:44:48,630 --> 00:44:46,950
so clearly you need to think pros cons

1243
00:44:50,150 --> 00:44:48,640
what will happen if you talk to people

1244
00:44:51,829 --> 00:44:50,160
to get their feedback

1245
00:44:53,510 --> 00:44:51,839
so there's self-reflection as well as

1246
00:44:55,270 --> 00:44:53,520
comments from other sort of different

1247
00:44:58,550 --> 00:44:55,280
perspectives

1248
00:45:02,230 --> 00:44:58,560
but if you sit on it for a long time

1249
00:45:04,309 --> 00:45:02,240
then that indecisiveness hurts you

1250
00:45:05,910 --> 00:45:04,319
because i think one reason why we

1251
00:45:08,950 --> 00:45:05,920
postpone the decisions

1252
00:45:11,190 --> 00:45:08,960
is because we are worried about the

1253
00:45:15,270 --> 00:45:11,200
long-term consequences

1254
00:45:17,270 --> 00:45:15,280
and this is something may be interesting

1255
00:45:18,630 --> 00:45:17,280
what is good is bad is good is bad is

1256
00:45:21,750 --> 00:45:18,640
good is bad

1257
00:45:24,950 --> 00:45:21,760
so the story i think in the scriptures

1258
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:28,230
village in which

1259
00:45:31,430 --> 00:45:30,950
there was a small family and they had a

1260
00:45:34,550 --> 00:45:31,440
cow

1261
00:45:36,790 --> 00:45:34,560
agriculture and then

1262
00:45:38,550 --> 00:45:36,800
the cow died so gosh i mean it's

1263
00:45:41,030 --> 00:45:38,560
terrible thing for the family

1264
00:45:42,230 --> 00:45:41,040
but then the rest of the villagers got

1265
00:45:44,150 --> 00:45:42,240
together and they said

1266
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:44,160
they bought two cows and gave those to

1267
00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:45,920
this family so that actually turned out

1268
00:45:51,670 --> 00:45:47,839
to be good news

1269
00:45:54,230 --> 00:45:51,680
then the son was trying to

1270
00:45:55,270 --> 00:45:54,240
domesticate the cow etc in the process

1271
00:46:00,390 --> 00:45:55,280
he broke

1272
00:46:01,990 --> 00:46:00,400
but then there was a trap and he was not

1273
00:46:04,470 --> 00:46:02,000
drafted because he had a broken

1274
00:46:06,790 --> 00:46:04,480
play so this couldn't so point here is

1275
00:46:07,270 --> 00:46:06,800
what is good news is bad news is bad

1276
00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:07,280
news

1277
00:46:12,630 --> 00:46:10,319
so if we are postponing the decisions

1278
00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:12,640
so that it will ought to not be we don't

1279
00:46:17,109 --> 00:46:14,240
know what will happen so

1280
00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:17,119
the goal is to make the best decisions

1281
00:46:23,430 --> 00:46:18,319
at this moment

1282
00:46:25,670 --> 00:46:23,440
based on what you have and then don't

1283
00:46:27,430 --> 00:46:25,680
sort of rethink about that don't blame

1284
00:46:28,790 --> 00:46:27,440
yourself if it goes wrong

1285
00:46:30,470 --> 00:46:28,800
that's okay even if it goes wrong in the

1286
00:46:31,190 --> 00:46:30,480
short run it will go right again in the

1287
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:31,200
future

1288
00:46:34,710 --> 00:46:32,800
yeah that's great no that's something

1289
00:46:36,870 --> 00:46:34,720
that i've kind of accepted

1290
00:46:38,550 --> 00:46:36,880
in the past number of years is you know

1291
00:46:40,710 --> 00:46:38,560
trying not to regret

1292
00:46:41,910 --> 00:46:40,720
the past because it's the same thing

1293
00:46:43,349 --> 00:46:41,920
kind of with decision making the reason

1294
00:46:45,589 --> 00:46:43,359
you hesitate on the decision is you

1295
00:46:47,510 --> 00:46:45,599
don't want to regret your decision

1296
00:46:48,710 --> 00:46:47,520
but ultimately if you don't worry about

1297
00:46:50,630 --> 00:46:48,720
regret

1298
00:46:53,349 --> 00:46:50,640
then to your point you become less

1299
00:46:55,750 --> 00:46:53,359
concerned about that

1300
00:46:56,950 --> 00:46:55,760
that's exactly right and and the thing

1301
00:46:59,349 --> 00:46:56,960
that helps me

1302
00:47:00,069 --> 00:46:59,359
mentally is like well i can regret a

1303
00:47:02,309 --> 00:47:00,079
decision but

1304
00:47:03,190 --> 00:47:02,319
i don't know truly what would have

1305
00:47:06,470 --> 00:47:03,200
happened

1306
00:47:07,750 --> 00:47:06,480
had i done that you know so my favorite

1307
00:47:09,270 --> 00:47:07,760
thing to me is just

1308
00:47:11,109 --> 00:47:09,280
actually less about decisions than just

1309
00:47:12,390 --> 00:47:11,119
more about accepting circumstances if

1310
00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:12,400
i'm stuck in traffic

1311
00:47:16,550 --> 00:47:14,240
that used to aggravate the hell out of

1312
00:47:17,190 --> 00:47:16,560
me that i'm stuck in this traffic you

1313
00:47:18,790 --> 00:47:17,200
know

1314
00:47:20,630 --> 00:47:18,800
but then when you start realizing well

1315
00:47:22,230 --> 00:47:20,640
if it wasn't for if i didn't get stopped

1316
00:47:23,430 --> 00:47:22,240
behind this accident who knows what

1317
00:47:24,790 --> 00:47:23,440
would have happened

1318
00:47:26,630 --> 00:47:24,800
i could have been in an accident down

1319
00:47:28,150 --> 00:47:26,640
the road i mean you just don't know if

1320
00:47:29,910 --> 00:47:28,160
that fork in the road goes that way you

1321
00:47:32,390 --> 00:47:29,920
have no idea what that would have

1322
00:47:33,990 --> 00:47:32,400
resulted in so you accept the fork in

1323
00:47:37,990 --> 00:47:34,000
the road that you did

1324
00:47:39,589 --> 00:47:38,000
take and and you you can't look back you

1325
00:47:41,190 --> 00:47:39,599
know you really hit the mail on it

1326
00:47:42,710 --> 00:47:41,200
that's exactly the point and that often

1327
00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:42,720
happens in sports

1328
00:47:46,150 --> 00:47:45,040
the coach makes a decision said bring in

1329
00:47:49,030 --> 00:47:46,160
the picture

1330
00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:49,040
and hit on the phone and he said coach

1331
00:47:51,270 --> 00:47:50,640
was so dumb why did he make the decision

1332
00:47:53,109 --> 00:47:51,280
well

1333
00:47:54,549 --> 00:47:53,119
how did you know that and if you have

1334
00:47:55,430 --> 00:47:54,559
brought somebody else he would have hit

1335
00:47:57,270 --> 00:47:55,440
a home run too

1336
00:47:59,030 --> 00:47:57,280
so but it's exactly what you are saying

1337
00:48:01,270 --> 00:47:59,040
this kind of regret

1338
00:48:02,230 --> 00:48:01,280
monday morning quarterbacking yeah

1339
00:48:04,710 --> 00:48:02,240
that's the problem

1340
00:48:06,069 --> 00:48:04,720
yeah even i i've been using that i i

1341
00:48:08,150 --> 00:48:06,079
like to bet on sports

1342
00:48:09,750 --> 00:48:08,160
so for me it really this really hits

1343
00:48:12,630 --> 00:48:09,760
home but uh

1344
00:48:13,670 --> 00:48:12,640
you know my team goes up and misses a

1345
00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:13,680
layup

1346
00:48:19,910 --> 00:48:18,000
i'm going crazy

1347
00:48:21,750 --> 00:48:19,920
but then if you really realize well hold

1348
00:48:22,230 --> 00:48:21,760
on a second the fact that he missed that

1349
00:48:24,309 --> 00:48:22,240
layup

1350
00:48:25,670 --> 00:48:24,319
means that the other team the ball got

1351
00:48:27,990 --> 00:48:25,680
in the hands of so and so

1352
00:48:29,750 --> 00:48:28,000
and then went to so and so and so and so

1353
00:48:31,030 --> 00:48:29,760
had he made the layup

1354
00:48:33,510 --> 00:48:31,040
everything from that point in the game

1355
00:48:34,950 --> 00:48:33,520
would have changed so

1356
00:48:36,150 --> 00:48:34,960
you don't know if missing that layup

1357
00:48:37,430 --> 00:48:36,160
will turn out to be a good thing or a

1358
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:37,440
bad thing

1359
00:48:41,349 --> 00:48:39,760
that's exactly exactly right right and

1360
00:48:42,069 --> 00:48:41,359
that's what difference in age comes into

1361
00:48:45,349 --> 00:48:42,079
play

1362
00:48:46,549 --> 00:48:45,359
younger people they are so regretful for

1363
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:46,559
everything they did

1364
00:48:50,390 --> 00:48:49,040
and that's why their stress increases

1365
00:48:53,190 --> 00:48:50,400
whereas in older people

1366
00:48:54,230 --> 00:48:53,200
the crate goes down and even biological

1367
00:48:56,630 --> 00:48:54,240
studies have shown that

1368
00:48:58,470 --> 00:48:56,640
even with the brain imaging that regret

1369
00:49:03,589 --> 00:48:58,480
goes down with aging

1370
00:49:07,270 --> 00:49:03,599
so can you look at a brain and determine

1371
00:49:08,390 --> 00:49:07,280
how wise this person is unfortunately

1372
00:49:11,589 --> 00:49:08,400
not

1373
00:49:14,230 --> 00:49:11,599
advanced that much

1374
00:49:14,710 --> 00:49:14,240
right now the way we look at the brain

1375
00:49:18,230 --> 00:49:14,720
using

1376
00:49:20,790 --> 00:49:18,240
mri or even post quantum brand no it

1377
00:49:23,030 --> 00:49:20,800
only we can make out things if they're

1378
00:49:24,390 --> 00:49:23,040
obviously abnormal somebody has dementia

1379
00:49:27,190 --> 00:49:24,400
because i must receive

1380
00:49:28,150 --> 00:49:27,200
a stroke or cancer of the brain you can

1381
00:49:30,790 --> 00:49:28,160
detect that but

1382
00:49:32,150 --> 00:49:30,800
no wisdom this conversation you can do

1383
00:49:34,549 --> 00:49:32,160
some subtle studies

1384
00:49:36,150 --> 00:49:34,559
what is called functional brain imaging

1385
00:49:36,790 --> 00:49:36,160
and we have published some papers like

1386
00:49:39,190 --> 00:49:36,800
that

1387
00:49:40,710 --> 00:49:39,200
so what you do is inject a dye for

1388
00:49:44,069 --> 00:49:40,720
example

1389
00:49:45,829 --> 00:49:44,079
and then see how it goes through your

1390
00:49:48,790 --> 00:49:45,839
different areas of the brain

1391
00:49:49,750 --> 00:49:48,800
and you give them a task you show them a

1392
00:49:52,549 --> 00:49:49,760
happy face

1393
00:49:53,349 --> 00:49:52,559
sad face or you ask them to solve a

1394
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:53,359
problem

1395
00:49:56,790 --> 00:49:55,839
and while they are doing that you look

1396
00:49:59,990 --> 00:49:56,800
at their brain

1397
00:50:01,910 --> 00:50:00,000
in this you see difference

1398
00:50:04,470 --> 00:50:01,920
between people who are wiser versus old

1399
00:50:07,109 --> 00:50:04,480
but not wise

1400
00:50:07,829 --> 00:50:07,119
and how do you feel about psychedelic

1401
00:50:09,589 --> 00:50:07,839
drugs

1402
00:50:12,069 --> 00:50:09,599
have you thought about that or

1403
00:50:13,990 --> 00:50:12,079
investigated that as pertains to people

1404
00:50:15,430 --> 00:50:14,000
you know the whole thing we only use

1405
00:50:18,230 --> 00:50:15,440
five or ten percent of our brain

1406
00:50:19,990 --> 00:50:18,240
and tapping into things and you know

1407
00:50:21,750 --> 00:50:20,000
ayahuasca for instance

1408
00:50:23,349 --> 00:50:21,760
has been known for people tapping into

1409
00:50:25,190 --> 00:50:23,359
something and

1410
00:50:27,349 --> 00:50:25,200
i think the word could be wiser becoming

1411
00:50:28,950 --> 00:50:27,359
wiser about themselves or understanding

1412
00:50:29,270 --> 00:50:28,960
something about themselves that perhaps

1413
00:50:33,750 --> 00:50:29,280
they

1414
00:50:34,230 --> 00:50:33,760
that is not my area of research so i

1415
00:50:36,950 --> 00:50:34,240
really

1416
00:50:39,190 --> 00:50:36,960
cannot speak with knowledge about that

1417
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:39,200
but i know in medicine this is a

1418
00:50:43,270 --> 00:50:41,760
controversial topic right now things

1419
00:50:46,790 --> 00:50:43,280
like zero siding

1420
00:50:48,870 --> 00:50:46,800
for example uh you know what lsd was

1421
00:50:49,990 --> 00:50:48,880
long time back but many people thought

1422
00:50:52,150 --> 00:50:50,000
it took the lsd

1423
00:50:53,670 --> 00:50:52,160
they say clears the windows of

1424
00:50:56,710 --> 00:50:53,680
perception

1425
00:51:00,630 --> 00:50:56,720
and so all of these just

1426
00:51:03,670 --> 00:51:00,640
have some unusual impact on the brain

1427
00:51:05,510 --> 00:51:03,680
there's no question about that but they

1428
00:51:07,670 --> 00:51:05,520
also have a negative impact

1429
00:51:09,829 --> 00:51:07,680
and it's a question of balancing between

1430
00:51:11,589 --> 00:51:09,839
the positive and negative impact

1431
00:51:13,510 --> 00:51:11,599
and that varies by people so in some

1432
00:51:14,470 --> 00:51:13,520
people the positive impact could last

1433
00:51:16,150 --> 00:51:14,480
for a long time

1434
00:51:17,910 --> 00:51:16,160
and some people the negative impact

1435
00:51:19,510 --> 00:51:17,920
could be a major problem

1436
00:51:21,190 --> 00:51:19,520
so i think the problem becomes in

1437
00:51:23,589 --> 00:51:21,200
generalizing

1438
00:51:25,670 --> 00:51:23,599
saying that this thing that lsd works

1439
00:51:27,910 --> 00:51:25,680
for people or does not work for people

1440
00:51:29,109 --> 00:51:27,920
and so i think one has to be careful

1441
00:51:31,270 --> 00:51:29,119
that's what i would say

1442
00:51:33,030 --> 00:51:31,280
in using this drug again clearly we need

1443
00:51:34,790 --> 00:51:33,040
more research

1444
00:51:37,510 --> 00:51:34,800
what on a related subject that takes it

1445
00:51:39,589 --> 00:51:37,520
out of the drug thing is like meditation

1446
00:51:41,829 --> 00:51:39,599
you know again things that allow you to

1447
00:51:43,109 --> 00:51:41,839
tap into elements of your brain

1448
00:51:45,109 --> 00:51:43,119
is meditation something that you

1449
00:51:46,950 --> 00:51:45,119
consider to be very important

1450
00:51:48,470 --> 00:51:46,960
yeah you know meditation i think there

1451
00:51:49,990 --> 00:51:48,480
have been number of studies that have

1452
00:51:53,510 --> 00:51:50,000
been published in major journals

1453
00:51:57,030 --> 00:51:53,520
and grants finance and so on that show

1454
00:51:59,109 --> 00:51:57,040
that meditation clearly

1455
00:52:00,950 --> 00:51:59,119
not just doing once but if you do it

1456
00:52:04,390 --> 00:52:00,960
over a period of time

1457
00:52:07,270 --> 00:52:04,400
it improves brain functioning

1458
00:52:08,950 --> 00:52:07,280
so studies have shown for example on

1459
00:52:12,150 --> 00:52:08,960
functional mri

1460
00:52:13,670 --> 00:52:12,160
that the functioning increases

1461
00:52:15,829 --> 00:52:13,680
some of the connections in the brain

1462
00:52:17,430 --> 00:52:15,839
they get better the white matter

1463
00:52:20,790 --> 00:52:17,440
integrity improves

1464
00:52:23,670 --> 00:52:20,800
so meditation should not have downsides

1465
00:52:25,750 --> 00:52:23,680
unlike the psychedelics so at the worst

1466
00:52:28,069 --> 00:52:25,760
it will not do any good

1467
00:52:28,950 --> 00:52:28,079
but so that's why i mean i would say

1468
00:52:30,710 --> 00:52:28,960
that

1469
00:52:31,990 --> 00:52:30,720
for people who find it useful if there's

1470
00:52:35,670 --> 00:52:32,000
no harm in doing it

1471
00:52:36,309 --> 00:52:35,680
that could be benefit okay as we look

1472
00:52:40,470 --> 00:52:36,319
out there

1473
00:52:43,829 --> 00:52:40,480
in the world today who are the wise

1474
00:52:45,349 --> 00:52:43,839
people who's on your list

1475
00:52:47,829 --> 00:52:45,359
and i don't want to talk about living

1476
00:52:50,069 --> 00:52:47,839
people because that becomes always

1477
00:52:51,589 --> 00:52:50,079
controversial but this is a question

1478
00:52:52,549 --> 00:52:51,599
actually people ask that the name the

1479
00:52:55,670 --> 00:52:52,559
wisest people

1480
00:52:58,829 --> 00:52:55,680
in the world and then the common

1481
00:53:02,230 --> 00:52:58,839
candidates are mother teresa

1482
00:53:05,589 --> 00:53:02,240
um martin luther king

1483
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:05,599
um abraham lincoln but but you know let

1484
00:53:07,990 --> 00:53:07,200
me just interrupt you on a few of those

1485
00:53:10,549 --> 00:53:08,000
because

1486
00:53:11,990 --> 00:53:10,559
happiness is so such an important

1487
00:53:14,950 --> 00:53:12,000
element personal happiness

1488
00:53:15,750 --> 00:53:14,960
such an important element of a wise

1489
00:53:19,270 --> 00:53:15,760
person

1490
00:53:22,230 --> 00:53:19,280
right as we talked about do we know how

1491
00:53:23,589 --> 00:53:22,240
genuinely happy abraham lincoln was or

1492
00:53:25,349 --> 00:53:23,599
mother teresa or

1493
00:53:27,589 --> 00:53:25,359
who was the other one you mentioned like

1494
00:53:29,270 --> 00:53:27,599
into the kingdom martin luther king

1495
00:53:31,349 --> 00:53:29,280
you know again what i was describing to

1496
00:53:31,910 --> 00:53:31,359
you is the popular notion about the wise

1497
00:53:33,990 --> 00:53:31,920
people

1498
00:53:35,589 --> 00:53:34,000
so these are the your point is very well

1499
00:53:37,349 --> 00:53:35,599
taken so

1500
00:53:39,829 --> 00:53:37,359
and thank you for asking me that my

1501
00:53:41,829 --> 00:53:39,839
feeling is that

1502
00:53:43,349 --> 00:53:41,839
often the wisest people are the ones

1503
00:53:43,990 --> 00:53:43,359
most of us don't know because they are

1504
00:53:46,870 --> 00:53:44,000
actually

1505
00:53:47,670 --> 00:53:46,880
as i said the grandma in the family in a

1506
00:53:50,309 --> 00:53:47,680
village

1507
00:53:51,990 --> 00:53:50,319
in deep south may be the wisest person

1508
00:53:55,349 --> 00:53:52,000
in the community

1509
00:53:56,309 --> 00:53:55,359
and yet we don't know that you know this

1510
00:53:58,630 --> 00:53:56,319
is

1511
00:54:00,230 --> 00:53:58,640
people talk about wizard of oz but those

1512
00:54:03,430 --> 00:54:00,240
are actually

1513
00:54:05,270 --> 00:54:03,440
different kind of symbols we all know

1514
00:54:07,990 --> 00:54:05,280
people in our families

1515
00:54:10,470 --> 00:54:08,000
and our social circle who are wise right

1516
00:54:11,990 --> 00:54:10,480
we go to them we ask them questions

1517
00:54:13,589 --> 00:54:12,000
or we ask different questions to

1518
00:54:15,430 --> 00:54:13,599
different people but

1519
00:54:17,349 --> 00:54:15,440
these are the wisest people and we know

1520
00:54:20,309 --> 00:54:17,359
how they are right i mean typically

1521
00:54:21,670 --> 00:54:20,319
whether taking the grandma's example she

1522
00:54:23,190 --> 00:54:21,680
will be pretty contented

1523
00:54:25,430 --> 00:54:23,200
she's not complaining about things all

1524
00:54:26,870 --> 00:54:25,440
the time and then you know occasionally

1525
00:54:27,910 --> 00:54:26,880
she may complain but she's fine

1526
00:54:29,430 --> 00:54:27,920
otherwise

1527
00:54:31,430 --> 00:54:29,440
she accepts the fact that she has some

1528
00:54:32,790 --> 00:54:31,440
physical illnesses she can't hear but

1529
00:54:34,630 --> 00:54:32,800
she gets overdosed

1530
00:54:36,549 --> 00:54:34,640
and she genuinely cares for the family

1531
00:54:38,549 --> 00:54:36,559
the family cares for her

1532
00:54:40,309 --> 00:54:38,559
when you go to her you know that she

1533
00:54:42,309 --> 00:54:40,319
will keep that advice it's good for that

1534
00:54:45,030 --> 00:54:42,319
person and for others

1535
00:54:46,789 --> 00:54:45,040
those are the wisest people not

1536
00:54:49,109 --> 00:54:46,799
necessarily these famous people

1537
00:54:50,150 --> 00:54:49,119
uh only because we know them right yeah

1538
00:54:52,870 --> 00:54:50,160
i mean somebody like

1539
00:54:54,309 --> 00:54:52,880
i mean martin luther king that is the

1540
00:54:55,510 --> 00:54:54,319
type of person that comes to mind when

1541
00:54:57,270 --> 00:54:55,520
you think about a wise

1542
00:54:58,549 --> 00:54:57,280
person but then when you also think

1543
00:55:00,309 --> 00:54:58,559
about

1544
00:55:02,230 --> 00:55:00,319
what he was able to do with his life i

1545
00:55:05,750 --> 00:55:02,240
mean how he put himself out there

1546
00:55:07,430 --> 00:55:05,760
and you know basically ultimately

1547
00:55:08,950 --> 00:55:07,440
you know sacrificed himself essentially

1548
00:55:09,990 --> 00:55:08,960
because he almost knew he was going to

1549
00:55:13,990 --> 00:55:10,000
be

1550
00:55:16,470 --> 00:55:14,000
killed at some point but in order to

1551
00:55:17,109 --> 00:55:16,480
be a person with that type of fortitude

1552
00:55:19,750 --> 00:55:17,119
to go

1553
00:55:21,109 --> 00:55:19,760
out there almost tells me that going

1554
00:55:21,589 --> 00:55:21,119
back to childhood traumas or something

1555
00:55:24,950 --> 00:55:21,599
that

1556
00:55:28,309 --> 00:55:24,960
ends up being to our benefit

1557
00:55:29,990 --> 00:55:28,319
elton john etc but you really wonder i

1558
00:55:31,910 --> 00:55:30,000
know that you know he was known to have

1559
00:55:33,510 --> 00:55:31,920
marital affairs and this and that but

1560
00:55:34,390 --> 00:55:33,520
you know you really wonder someone like

1561
00:55:37,190 --> 00:55:34,400
that who

1562
00:55:38,950 --> 00:55:37,200
on the surface is very wise whether they

1563
00:55:40,789 --> 00:55:38,960
were truly happy

1564
00:55:43,990 --> 00:55:40,799
i think what happens is that people

1565
00:55:47,190 --> 00:55:45,670
compassion and sort of what you do for

1566
00:55:50,470 --> 00:55:47,200
the society

1567
00:55:51,430 --> 00:55:50,480
the indicator of wisdom and i think

1568
00:55:53,030 --> 00:55:51,440
that's

1569
00:55:54,549 --> 00:55:53,040
useful for the society but that may not

1570
00:55:57,750 --> 00:55:54,559
be useful for the person

1571
00:55:58,549 --> 00:55:57,760
himself or herself so if they were to

1572
00:56:01,109 --> 00:55:58,559
take our

1573
00:56:03,190 --> 00:56:01,119
san diego wisdom skill they may not

1574
00:56:04,710 --> 00:56:03,200
score that high on the wisdom scale

1575
00:56:06,549 --> 00:56:04,720
so your point is very well taken

1576
00:56:07,109 --> 00:56:06,559
actually i'm glad you mentioned that

1577
00:56:08,710 --> 00:56:07,119
because

1578
00:56:10,150 --> 00:56:08,720
this has not been brought up in my

1579
00:56:13,109 --> 00:56:10,160
conversations previously

1580
00:56:14,069 --> 00:56:13,119
it's a great point i think it is because

1581
00:56:15,589 --> 00:56:14,079
society

1582
00:56:16,950 --> 00:56:15,599
i think we think about a week obviously

1583
00:56:17,990 --> 00:56:16,960
they are famous people their mother

1584
00:56:20,069 --> 00:56:18,000
teresa i mean

1585
00:56:21,430 --> 00:56:20,079
exactly i mean i don't know how happy

1586
00:56:24,470 --> 00:56:21,440
she was

1587
00:56:25,109 --> 00:56:24,480
because otherwise she won't have gone

1588
00:56:26,710 --> 00:56:25,119
out and

1589
00:56:28,549 --> 00:56:26,720
done something she probably felt that

1590
00:56:30,390 --> 00:56:28,559
she needed to do more

1591
00:56:31,829 --> 00:56:30,400
and that's great for the other people

1592
00:56:32,870 --> 00:56:31,839
because it was great for her i don't

1593
00:56:34,789 --> 00:56:32,880
know

1594
00:56:36,150 --> 00:56:34,799
yeah i mean it could have been for her

1595
00:56:38,230 --> 00:56:36,160
overcoming

1596
00:56:39,990 --> 00:56:38,240
you know in order it sounds really silly

1597
00:56:40,630 --> 00:56:40,000
but anyway in order to feel good about

1598
00:56:43,829 --> 00:56:40,640
yourself

1599
00:56:45,109 --> 00:56:43,839
so some people will do things that

1600
00:56:46,630 --> 00:56:45,119
appear altruistic

1601
00:56:48,150 --> 00:56:46,640
but they're doing it just because

1602
00:56:49,430 --> 00:56:48,160
they're trying to overcome

1603
00:56:50,950 --> 00:56:49,440
some feeling in themselves that they

1604
00:56:52,390 --> 00:56:50,960
feel inadequate and the way they make

1605
00:56:53,589 --> 00:56:52,400
themselves feel good is doing something

1606
00:56:55,030 --> 00:56:53,599
for another person but they're not

1607
00:56:57,829 --> 00:56:55,040
really tending to

1608
00:56:58,230 --> 00:56:57,839
what they need internally right right i

1609
00:57:02,950 --> 00:56:58,240
think

1610
00:57:06,549 --> 00:57:02,960
it's easier to define non-wise persons

1611
00:57:08,230 --> 00:57:06,559
to define whites or to exemplify so

1612
00:57:09,829 --> 00:57:08,240
people who are not white we all agree

1613
00:57:12,069 --> 00:57:09,839
you know the terrorists and the mass

1614
00:57:14,150 --> 00:57:12,079
murderers the gang members and

1615
00:57:15,430 --> 00:57:14,160
other people who hurt their family and

1616
00:57:17,349 --> 00:57:15,440
themselves and

1617
00:57:18,870 --> 00:57:17,359
their society and they're clearly you

1618
00:57:21,430 --> 00:57:18,880
know

1619
00:57:22,230 --> 00:57:21,440
they are not wise people but who are the

1620
00:57:29,300 --> 00:57:22,240
wisest

1621
00:57:35,349 --> 00:57:31,670
[Music]

1622
00:57:37,270 --> 00:57:35,359
so the same person could be unwise

1623
00:57:39,109 --> 00:57:37,280
when he or she was young so some of

1624
00:57:42,150 --> 00:57:39,119
these examples that you gave actually

1625
00:57:43,829 --> 00:57:42,160
who suffered from trauma and that made

1626
00:57:46,870 --> 00:57:43,839
them feel very depressed and

1627
00:57:48,390 --> 00:57:46,880
you know they even acted out and run

1628
00:57:50,789 --> 00:57:48,400
into trouble with the law when they were

1629
00:57:53,349 --> 00:57:50,799
teenagers

1630
00:57:54,390 --> 00:57:53,359
that are not to be very pro-social etc

1631
00:57:56,470 --> 00:57:54,400
so

1632
00:57:57,430 --> 00:57:56,480
they were having probably unwise when

1633
00:58:00,549 --> 00:57:57,440
they were younger

1634
00:58:01,030 --> 00:58:00,559
they become wiser later let's wrap up

1635
00:58:02,870 --> 00:58:01,040
with the

1636
00:58:04,710 --> 00:58:02,880
with two things one is we we touched on

1637
00:58:06,710 --> 00:58:04,720
a little bit but just to uh

1638
00:58:08,390 --> 00:58:06,720
put a fine point on it so i'm i'm having

1639
00:58:11,270 --> 00:58:08,400
my first child so

1640
00:58:12,309 --> 00:58:11,280
what's your advice to me to uh put my

1641
00:58:15,990 --> 00:58:12,319
child in the best

1642
00:58:19,109 --> 00:58:16,000
position to achieve wisdom um

1643
00:58:22,470 --> 00:58:19,119
the best thing is actually enjoy

1644
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:22,480
time with the child and

1645
00:58:26,870 --> 00:58:25,680
that i don't think that that effect

1646
00:58:30,309 --> 00:58:26,880
comes through

1647
00:58:32,710 --> 00:58:30,319
to the child uh i think no reason to

1648
00:58:35,030 --> 00:58:32,720
reduce your work or other things i mean

1649
00:58:37,670 --> 00:58:35,040
because you need to be happy if you are

1650
00:58:39,270 --> 00:58:37,680
happy you'll make the child happy

1651
00:58:41,829 --> 00:58:39,280
and the quality time is that what

1652
00:58:44,950 --> 00:58:41,839
matters and try to understand the child

1653
00:58:46,870 --> 00:58:44,960
again when the child grows up he or she

1654
00:58:49,670 --> 00:58:46,880
will have

1655
00:58:52,150 --> 00:58:49,680
the own personality and some of that

1656
00:58:53,670 --> 00:58:52,160
personality is predetermined

1657
00:58:56,069 --> 00:58:53,680
kids are like that you know i mean you

1658
00:58:58,870 --> 00:58:56,079
can see at the age of one

1659
00:59:00,390 --> 00:58:58,880
some of them are more feisty aggressive

1660
00:59:02,710 --> 00:59:00,400
some of them are more quiet

1661
00:59:04,630 --> 00:59:02,720
etcetera and who's ever there you know

1662
00:59:08,150 --> 00:59:04,640
that's whatever they are

1663
00:59:10,390 --> 00:59:08,160
um let them grow up

1664
00:59:12,309 --> 00:59:10,400
with a lot of love from the parents i

1665
00:59:13,910 --> 00:59:12,319
think there is no question about that

1666
00:59:16,069 --> 00:59:13,920
unless they do something wrong i mean

1667
00:59:16,870 --> 00:59:16,079
then one has to be strength and we have

1668
00:59:19,589 --> 00:59:16,880
to

1669
00:59:20,549 --> 00:59:19,599
um prove it things that would hurt

1670
00:59:22,950 --> 00:59:20,559
others because that's not

1671
00:59:24,230 --> 00:59:22,960
good in the child's interest so they do

1672
00:59:26,309 --> 00:59:24,240
they have to be

1673
00:59:27,990 --> 00:59:26,319
compassionate and self-reflecting

1674
00:59:31,430 --> 00:59:28,000
emotionally regulated

1675
00:59:34,309 --> 00:59:31,440
but not have too high expectations

1676
00:59:35,589 --> 00:59:34,319
and then but keeping love as i said

1677
00:59:37,990 --> 00:59:35,599
again and again

1678
00:59:38,710 --> 00:59:38,000
that's critical and let them be

1679
00:59:41,270 --> 00:59:38,720
themselves

1680
00:59:44,829 --> 00:59:41,280
so longer they don't run into trouble

1681
00:59:47,750 --> 00:59:44,839
and then encourage them to develop that

1682
00:59:50,710 --> 00:59:47,760
um kids change

1683
00:59:52,309 --> 00:59:50,720
actually so we have two daughters and

1684
00:59:54,150 --> 00:59:52,319
our older daughter but they were quite

1685
00:59:56,390 --> 00:59:54,160
different when they were young

1686
00:59:57,589 --> 00:59:56,400
our older one was very sociable much

1687
00:59:59,349 --> 00:59:57,599
more so than actually

1688
01:00:00,870 --> 00:59:59,359
than my wife and i and she would when

1689
01:00:01,589 --> 01:00:00,880
she was in kindergarten she would

1690
01:00:05,109 --> 01:00:01,599
introduce

1691
01:00:08,789 --> 01:00:05,119
us to her friend's parents

1692
01:00:10,630 --> 01:00:08,799
the younger daughter was very shy

1693
01:00:12,870 --> 01:00:10,640
very shy i mean she would just

1694
01:00:15,430 --> 01:00:12,880
completely as they grew up they become

1695
01:00:17,510 --> 01:00:15,440
more similar than different

1696
01:00:20,069 --> 01:00:17,520
so both of them are physicians now both

1697
01:00:22,870 --> 01:00:20,079
of them are doing very well

1698
01:00:24,309 --> 01:00:22,880
and they are i mean of course the older

1699
01:00:26,950 --> 01:00:24,319
one still is more social

1700
01:00:28,309 --> 01:00:26,960
than the younger one but still they are

1701
01:00:31,430 --> 01:00:28,319
we're very proud of

1702
01:00:33,349 --> 01:00:31,440
them equally probably too so don't get

1703
01:00:37,750 --> 01:00:33,359
too worried

1704
01:00:41,750 --> 01:00:37,760
if they are different in the sense if

1705
01:00:46,230 --> 01:00:41,760
they are too shy for example it's okay

1706
01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:46,240
so so that's that's the thing that uh um

1707
01:00:53,030 --> 01:00:49,440
well come down of course be

1708
01:00:55,270 --> 01:00:53,040
whatever they are and uh then

1709
01:00:57,430 --> 01:00:55,280
help them grow and i'm sure you'll be a

1710
01:00:59,910 --> 01:00:57,440
great parent i mean

1711
01:01:01,430 --> 01:00:59,920
thank you a real thumb that i like to

1712
01:01:02,950 --> 01:01:01,440
say having never been a parent but just

1713
01:01:04,950 --> 01:01:02,960
thinking about it is that you can never

1714
01:01:07,270 --> 01:01:04,960
give a child too much love

1715
01:01:08,950 --> 01:01:07,280
or too much discipline and when i say

1716
01:01:11,109 --> 01:01:08,960
discipline i don't mean you know with

1717
01:01:12,789 --> 01:01:11,119
the ruler kind of thing but but

1718
01:01:14,630 --> 01:01:12,799
having them deal with their emotions

1719
01:01:15,190 --> 01:01:14,640
when they don't get what they want

1720
01:01:16,630 --> 01:01:15,200
that's

1721
01:01:19,030 --> 01:01:16,640
the discipline of controlling yourself

1722
01:01:21,030 --> 01:01:19,040
you know you don't get the toy but

1723
01:01:22,150 --> 01:01:21,040
learning to deal with things that don't

1724
01:01:24,950 --> 01:01:22,160
go well is

1725
01:01:26,230 --> 01:01:24,960
that's a discipline that to regulate

1726
01:01:28,390 --> 01:01:26,240
your emotions right

1727
01:01:29,910 --> 01:01:28,400
right discipline is critical and there's

1728
01:01:32,549 --> 01:01:29,920
no question about that

1729
01:01:33,270 --> 01:01:32,559
there's a balance between the two and

1730
01:01:35,349 --> 01:01:33,280
you know

1731
01:01:37,109 --> 01:01:35,359
like in price terminology the superego

1732
01:01:39,030 --> 01:01:37,119
you go and it

1733
01:01:40,470 --> 01:01:39,040
so you have to discipline but even when

1734
01:01:43,349 --> 01:01:40,480
you're disciplining

1735
01:01:44,710 --> 01:01:43,359
them they still know that you love them

1736
01:01:46,390 --> 01:01:44,720
and you're disciplining them

1737
01:01:47,910 --> 01:01:46,400
because you want them to be better

1738
01:01:49,190 --> 01:01:47,920
they're not disciplining them because

1739
01:01:49,990 --> 01:01:49,200
you want to punish them because you

1740
01:01:51,910 --> 01:01:50,000
don't like them

1741
01:01:53,109 --> 01:01:51,920
that's not the reason so that comes

1742
01:01:54,390 --> 01:01:53,119
through i think

1743
01:01:55,990 --> 01:01:54,400
i like that that you want them to be

1744
01:01:56,390 --> 01:01:56,000
better okay and then i i can't finish

1745
01:01:57,829 --> 01:01:56,400
without

1746
01:02:00,470 --> 01:01:57,839
asking you about aging because i know

1747
01:02:03,990 --> 01:02:00,480
that's one of your your expertises so

1748
01:02:06,630 --> 01:02:04,000
advice for people who want to age

1749
01:02:07,029 --> 01:02:06,640
well what what's the most important

1750
01:02:09,589 --> 01:02:07,039
thing

1751
01:02:11,029 --> 01:02:09,599
you know i mean for me personally i

1752
01:02:12,309 --> 01:02:11,039
don't understand the idea of

1753
01:02:14,470 --> 01:02:12,319
somebody says oh i don't want to live

1754
01:02:15,589 --> 01:02:14,480
until i'm 80 or so i'm 90 or 100 but

1755
01:02:18,870 --> 01:02:15,599
this i'm like well

1756
01:02:20,710 --> 01:02:18,880
the alternative is being dead so

1757
01:02:22,150 --> 01:02:20,720
i like the idea of living as long as

1758
01:02:25,670 --> 01:02:22,160
possible but obviously

1759
01:02:26,950 --> 01:02:25,680
you want to have your faculties so

1760
01:02:28,470 --> 01:02:26,960
what's your advice to put people in the

1761
01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:28,480
best position to live a long life but

1762
01:02:34,309 --> 01:02:28,880
but

1763
01:02:35,750 --> 01:02:34,319
healthy lifestyle is obviously critical

1764
01:02:38,630 --> 01:02:35,760
keep yourself active

1765
01:02:40,309 --> 01:02:38,640
active physically active mentally and

1766
01:02:43,029 --> 01:02:40,319
active socially

1767
01:02:43,589 --> 01:02:43,039
all these three are equally important

1768
01:02:47,589 --> 01:02:43,599
things

1769
01:02:49,990 --> 01:02:47,599
really critical other commonly

1770
01:02:52,230 --> 01:02:50,000
does good nutrition and you don't want

1771
01:02:55,670 --> 01:02:52,240
to have high fat

1772
01:02:56,549 --> 01:02:55,680
sugar foods so calorie intake that is

1773
01:02:59,190 --> 01:02:56,559
appropriate

1774
01:02:59,829 --> 01:02:59,200
uh sleeping well is important it's often

1775
01:03:02,710 --> 01:02:59,839
hard

1776
01:03:04,230 --> 01:03:02,720
but try to do that and of course

1777
01:03:05,349 --> 01:03:04,240
whatever illnesses you have take the

1778
01:03:07,750 --> 01:03:05,359
treatment

1779
01:03:09,190 --> 01:03:07,760
and follow that regularly you don't

1780
01:03:11,589 --> 01:03:09,200
ignore your health

1781
01:03:13,190 --> 01:03:11,599
in a sense if something needed make sure

1782
01:03:15,190 --> 01:03:13,200
you take it

1783
01:03:17,910 --> 01:03:15,200
but that is all so these are the

1784
01:03:19,910 --> 01:03:17,920
commonly advocated

1785
01:03:22,390 --> 01:03:19,920
i think equally important are the

1786
01:03:26,230 --> 01:03:22,400
psychosocial strategies

1787
01:03:30,390 --> 01:03:26,240
it's critical to have resilience

1788
01:03:32,789 --> 01:03:30,400
optimism compassion self-compassion

1789
01:03:34,789 --> 01:03:32,799
these different types of qualities of

1790
01:03:37,190 --> 01:03:34,799
wisdom that are described

1791
01:03:39,190 --> 01:03:37,200
they really are important and not

1792
01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:39,200
because it is sort of feel good tv

1793
01:03:42,829 --> 01:03:40,160
science

1794
01:03:44,710 --> 01:03:42,839
studies have shown that for example

1795
01:03:46,549 --> 01:03:44,720
optimism

1796
01:03:47,750 --> 01:03:46,559
studies have shown that optimistic

1797
01:03:49,349 --> 01:03:47,760
people live on an

1798
01:03:51,270 --> 01:03:49,359
average eight years longer than

1799
01:03:52,950 --> 01:03:51,280
pessimistic people and this is after

1800
01:03:56,630 --> 01:03:52,960
controlling for other things

1801
01:03:57,910 --> 01:03:56,640
right eight years eight years wow

1802
01:04:01,430 --> 01:03:57,920
and again you know i mean it will vary

1803
01:04:04,789 --> 01:04:01,440
from study to study and population but

1804
01:04:07,990 --> 01:04:04,799
resilience same thing

1805
01:04:11,990 --> 01:04:08,000
social engagement and social support are

1806
01:04:13,990 --> 01:04:12,000
so critical and social support

1807
01:04:16,230 --> 01:04:14,000
doesn't mean you have to have a friend

1808
01:04:16,549 --> 01:04:16,240
no you need to have a few friends whom

1809
01:04:19,430 --> 01:04:16,559
you

1810
01:04:20,950 --> 01:04:19,440
trust and respect and where there is

1811
01:04:23,670 --> 01:04:20,960
mutual trust and respect

1812
01:04:24,950 --> 01:04:23,680
that is so critical crisis will come no

1813
01:04:26,549 --> 01:04:24,960
matter what

1814
01:04:28,470 --> 01:04:26,559
you need to have somebody you can talk

1815
01:04:29,750 --> 01:04:28,480
to feel confident about

1816
01:04:31,589 --> 01:04:29,760
that they will give you the right advice

1817
01:04:33,430 --> 01:04:31,599
just as we do with

1818
01:04:35,910 --> 01:04:33,440
the parents do to the children even when

1819
01:04:39,589 --> 01:04:35,920
you disagree there's no question about

1820
01:04:40,789 --> 01:04:39,599
the motivation right so we need to have

1821
01:04:43,109 --> 01:04:40,799
that kind of support

1822
01:04:45,349 --> 01:04:43,119
if we have those i think we will do very

1823
01:04:46,390 --> 01:04:45,359
well physical illnesses don't matter

1824
01:04:48,870 --> 01:04:46,400
that much

1825
01:04:50,150 --> 01:04:48,880
this may come as a shock to people our

1826
01:04:54,069 --> 01:04:50,160
studies show

1827
01:04:57,430 --> 01:04:54,079
that a person with stage four cancer

1828
01:05:00,549 --> 01:04:57,440
we found was happier than person who was

1829
01:05:03,430 --> 01:05:00,559
physically fully healthy

1830
01:05:04,630 --> 01:05:03,440
so you can over you know if you have

1831
01:05:05,990 --> 01:05:04,640
critical illnesses of course you have to

1832
01:05:08,309 --> 01:05:06,000
take care of them

1833
01:05:10,470 --> 01:05:08,319
but again all of these qualities

1834
01:05:13,029 --> 01:05:10,480
optimism resilience

1835
01:05:14,630 --> 01:05:13,039
in a realistic way obviously i can't be

1836
01:05:15,589 --> 01:05:14,640
so optimistic that i will say oh i don't

1837
01:05:17,349 --> 01:05:15,599
need to take any

1838
01:05:18,870 --> 01:05:17,359
sense of treatment i'll be fine no that

1839
01:05:21,270 --> 01:05:18,880
is stupid so

1840
01:05:23,349 --> 01:05:21,280
do those things but also have social

1841
01:05:25,029 --> 01:05:23,359
support and social engagement

1842
01:05:26,950 --> 01:05:25,039
thank you again to dr justin you can

1843
01:05:29,349 --> 01:05:26,960
check out his book

1844
01:05:31,510 --> 01:05:29,359
wiser the scientific roots of wisdom

1845
01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:31,520
compassion and what makes us good

1846
01:05:36,630 --> 01:05:34,640
at amazon or

1847
01:05:39,510 --> 01:05:36,640
some other place that you buy books

1848
01:05:40,950 --> 01:05:39,520
perhaps not amazon would be better

1849
01:05:42,549 --> 01:05:40,960
thank you to our producer michael parker

1850
01:05:44,230 --> 01:05:42,559
thank you all for listening we'll be

1851
01:05:51,270 --> 01:05:44,240
back soon with another episode of

1852
01:05:52,710 --> 01:05:51,280
the hidden truth show

1853
01:05:54,470 --> 01:05:52,720
thank you for listening to the truth

1854
01:05:57,990 --> 01:05:54,480
show with jim reslow

1855
01:06:00,230 --> 01:05:58,000
you can find us at hiddentruthshow.com

1856
01:06:01,029 --> 01:06:00,240
follow us on facebook twitter and

1857
01:06:03,670 --> 01:06:01,039
instagram

1858
01:06:05,990 --> 01:06:03,680
that hit the truth show join us again

1859
01:06:06,950 --> 01:06:06,000
next week for another episode of hidden

1860
01:06:19,349 --> 01:06:06,960
truth show